When you have been thrown away, chances are you work more than one job, as I do. \u00a0I’m down to two jobs, but it seems I spend a lot of mental energy running numbers through my head, calculating debt versus income. \u00a0That FEELS just like working three jobs, which I did for several years. \u00a0But the good thing is that after 5-plus years, I’m beginning to feel more normal. \u00a0I can see the light at the end of the tunnel; it remains to be seen whether I will get there or not. \u00a0Most women say it takes a good ten years. \u00a0Horrible to think, but I can believe it. \u00a0But I’ve walked this path long enough to see that it DOES get better. \u00a0Listen, I’m a skeptic and I’m telling you: \u00a0It does get better…if you let it.<\/p>\n
In our youth, we were used to things happening faster for us. \u00a0Those days are gone; it doesn’t work that way for women our age. \u00a0Things go more slowly because it’s harder for us. \u00a0It just is, not because we are less able, but because people stereotype us that way. \u00a0Makes smoke come out of my ears, because I’m the smartest person I know. \u00a0Hands down. \u00a0But people see me and think I’m just not able…whatever they need ABLE to mean. \u00a0We are discriminated against every single day.<\/p>\n
I had a friend whose husband, after 5 years, still has not given her a dime, still has not returned her half of the equity in their assets, which are substantial. \u00a0He’s obviously playing the courts well, and it’s terrible to think about, but it happens. \u00a0This guy is an attorney, so none of the judges will do what’s needed to get this case resolved. \u00a0Lesson to be learned is this: \u00a0Don’t marry an attorney. \u00a0But heads up. \u00a0Don’t let this kind of thing drag on. \u00a0Find a way to get this kind of behavior publicized. \u00a0Make sure you have documentation and then let it fly. \u00a0This is becoming a typical behavior for cheating husbands, to not only throw us away, but to then get away with not giving us our rightful share of assets we helped to build, or even built before they brought their sorry behinds into our lives.<\/p>\n
Anyway, since we talked last time, I’ve lived a bit, survived a bit longer, and learned more about this journey. \u00a0For me, the biggest challenge aside from finances, is that all of my relationships were damaged, not just the marriage. \u00a0Everyone within reasonable proximity to “the killing” was injured to some extent and yep, we do get thrown out with the bathwater. \u00a0So I hear your posts, the part about being so alone. \u00a0I’m working on that now, planning to make 2016 a year of getting back out there and rediscovering MY pleasures, the things that bring me joy. \u00a0 I challenge you to do the same. \u00a0Reach out and be our own person again. \u00a0It’s hard at first, but slowly, we remember how to do it.<\/p>\n
You know they talk about the “donut hole” with regard to healthcare benefits, or used to anyway, but I think women in their 60’s have one too. \u00a0Men our age want women from 30’s to 50’s, and NO WAY any woman in their 60’s, even if the 60’s men look like a train wreck. \u00a0Speaks to the whole reason we were thrown away in the first place. \u00a0But seems like women in their SEVENTIES suddenly become sought after. \u00a0Are you kidding me?<\/p>\n
I get a kick out of reading the profiles of these men looking for younger women. \u00a0They can’t spell, they have big bellies and no hair, but they are so sure they can demand a youngster. \u00a0Makes me laugh. \u00a0What’s really fun is when they are being so stern about their requirements and at least one word per sentence is misspelled, particularly if they want to be intellectually challenged by the woman they seek. \u00a0And intellectually us often misspelled too. \u00a0Too funny. \u00a0But they don’t hesitate to throw the bait out there. \u00a0Gotta give them that. \u00a0And then there are the 70-ish year olds who claim to be 60-something. \u00a0Don’t get me started.<\/p>\n
So the important thing about us, the throw-aways, is that we have to learn to live for ourselves, notwithstanding the guys out there still trying to be kids. \u00a0We have to find OUR joy again, do the things that make us happy and give us peace. \u00a0It’s hard because we’ve been the care givers, the nest tenders, the supporters. \u00a0But take heart. \u00a0Time makes this new way of thinking slowly come into focus. \u00a0And listen, don’t worry about not having a man in your life…other than for the heavy lifting and stuff…because until you are healed, you really are doing NO favors to either yourself or your date. \u00a0Get selfish, get used to being by yourself, and allow your self to heal. \u00a0It takes a LONG time and you have to work very hard at it. \u00a0Whining is not working, by the way.<\/p>\n
Listen. \u00a0You can’t sit down and cry and you can’t sit down and kick you feet and scream and spin around in a circle either. \u00a0You have to MOVE. \u00a0Nobody’s going to come and rescue you. \u00a0Let me say that again: \u00a0NOBODY’S going to come and rescue you. \u00a0There are no knights in shining armor and if there were, they’d be looking for a thirty year old in a bikini. \u00a0Trust me, even now, there are guys who are only interested in an orifice. \u00a0It never ends. \u00a0You do NOT need that right now. \u00a0If you heal and \u00a0you want that, good for you. \u00a0I have a very high IQ, am something of a Renaissance woman, and I have a wonderful heart and spirit (until you cross me). \u00a0I expect my good qualities to be important to anyone who wants to occupy my time. \u00a0I’m more than an orifice. \u00a0That is part of me, but I matter. \u00a0My heart matters, my intellect matters, I’m a good person, a great catch. \u00a0I am worth far more than physical tender. \u00a0It took a long time for me to realize that again, after what I went through. \u00a0But I’m there. \u00a0I’m hoping my “militant” side will soften a bit as I continue on this journey, but the GOOD thing is that I have some self confidence back and I know what to expect from men now. \u00a0Exactly what to expect.<\/p>\n
So stand up. \u00a0Get used to being by yourself, because we are all alone anyway. \u00a0Do all you can to survive and reach out to other women, friends who bring light and hope into your spirit. \u00a0Stay away from the whiners. \u00a0They don’t want to move forward, away from the tragedy. \u00a0They want to sit and wait to be rescued…which will never happen. \u00a0If you wait with them, you’re burning precious daylight. \u00a0We don’t have that much longer; we have to make the most of the time we have. \u00a0And I mean time to be happy and do things that bring us joy.<\/p>\n
I get lonely too, but then I remember how great it is to eat ice cream right out of the carton if I want to, and how nice it is to not be cheated on and lied to. The universe balances. \u00a0It’s going to be fine. \u00a0It just takes time, and I’m still here, still making progress. \u00a0It can be done.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When you have been thrown away, chances are you work more than one job, as I do. \u00a0I’m down to two jobs, but it seems I spend a lot of mental energy running numbers through my head, calculating debt versus … Continue reading