Kindred spirits keep rolling in. More and more women tell me they experienced being thrown away, and I”m GLAD to hear from them. Some women are buried or burned or thrown overboard and have no voice now. So be glad you are here, even when it seems harder to be.
I told you in my book that the ONLY way I survived was through my relationship with God. It was prayer and the presence of the Holy Spirit that helped me through. Had I depended on people, I hate to think. In my world, needy people are annoying, costly and even mentally ill. Nobody wants to reach out and help, and the ones who do, almost always do it very grudgingly. So the bottom line is that this is on you. YOU must survive.
There are angels out there who will help you. One girlfriend saved my life. She’d pack a suitcase and come my measly apartment, where she would cook for me and sit with me while I slept. I could sleep when she came, and I could eat. It was the only time I could. She’s one of the angels. There were others.
The GOOD news is that you can do it. You might have to work three jobs for a while, as I did. You might never have time to actually rest. But you can do it. And you SHOULD do it, because the women this happen to are usually the strong ones in the relationship, the one who made things happen. So remember that. And remember that this is a journey, one you didn’t sign up for, but a journey, NOT a destination. So stand up, take a deep breath, and start over. One day you will be better off than the asshole who threw you away…in MANY ways, not the least of which is that you are rid of him and his addictive, parasitic, dishonest, cheating, fiscally irresponsible ways. Did I leave anything out?
It is hard when you think you’ve reached a comfortable place in life, to then have to think about working a menial job…or three of them…and living in a space that would fit into your prior home three times. But it’s better than being murdered. It’s better than what many women end up facing. It’s harder when you were the one with assets that the loser stole from you to give to someone else. But hey, that other woman will get what she deserves and for you? Life gets way better. Revenge? That’s not our job.
And listen. You are strong; that’s why he targeted you in the first place. You can survive and when you HAVE, you will feel SO good about yourself, realizing, probably for the first time, your own strength.
You will actually laugh again, and you will reevaluate your entire life. It takes a long time. Ten years! I know. I didn’t believe it either, but it is true. You will look at ‘love’ for a very long time, and you will realize that men always see love and lust as being the same; women almost never do. You will realize that ANYBODY who does you harm CANNOT love you, no matter how many times they say it. And you will realize that any man who starts a checklist of the things you can do for, or offer, him, need to be kicked…really kicked…out the door. And by the way, men who evaluate the appearance of body fat content of a woman are shallow assholes who truly are not worthy of you. And that’s most of them, by the way.
So for me it has been ten years and I’ve cut so many cords I can’t count them. I don’t have many people in my life from the past because I had no idea what love and friendship looked like. I really was not loved in that life. And I didn’t have many friends. I thought I did. Thought I had a lot. But in actuality, I had a few, and they are with me now, but hey. life is good! It really is. I am more centered than ever, know myself better than ever, take less shit than ever, and I have survived. And I am happy. I live MY life now, doing things I like to do, and NOT doing things I don’t want to do. And…I eat ice cream right out of the carton, sometimes for dinner.
You will survive. You can do it. This will pass. You will be happy again. You will laugh again. I promise.