I watched a TV program today, where an abusive husband and his abused wife were interviewed, and again, I was astonished. See, I was too young to understand the whole women’s lib thing when Gloria Steinem was beginning her women’s movement. I remember seeing her on TV and thinking how brave she was. I remember thinking what big trouble she was getting into, too! Those were the times. But right now, I miss her in that venue. I’m all grown up and I completely understand the great things she did for women, and how much of that ground has been lost in recent years. You’ve heard me say that before.
The man interviewed on this TV show described, devoid of emotion, how he beat his wife, timed how long he choked her so she wouldn’t die but would be subdued while his anger subsided, how, yep, he broke her nose. He admitted he beat her while holding their baby girl in his “other hand”. He admitted that, after beating her until she bled, he made her get in the bathtub because she was bleeding on the floor and that made him madder. And she did it! Got into the tub, fully clothed, and washed the blood off of herself….while he watched her cry. And the wife? What was she doing while this story…her story…unfolded? She smiled. At first I thought it was an act. Eventually she said she smiled out of embarrassment. And she didn’t cry until she was reminded that her baby girl could be killed by this idiot when he went nuts over something being spilled. That made her cry. Thank God. She at least had compassion for her child, if not for herself.
Another twist? The male psychologist (not psychiatrist) told the wife she needed to own her role in this abuse. Essentially, she brought it on herself. Oh. My. God. Well that got shot down pretty quickly, thank God.
When asked why she stayed with this excuse for a man, she finally admitted that she had no money and nowhere to go. Well there you go. Gloria Steinem once said that a woman with small children is one man away from welfare. She also said a women without a man is like fish without a bicycle.
But the REAL truth about this abused woman is that she has no respect for herself, doesn’t love herself, and that’s sad. It’s also very common. No way of knowing why she feels that way about herself, but clearly she did not realize her value as a human being. Problem? She’s raising a DAUGHTER in this mess.
I’m no psychiatrist, but this ‘man’ looked like a serial killer (of women) in the making. And he looked like a stone cold sociopath. It was chilling. And he looked like he was saying what the interviewer want to hear. Example: I’m disgusted with myself. Yeah right. He does not deserve this, or any other, woman. And he needs to be locked up, away from society. He’s a disaster in the making.
Women! When are we going to realize that we have to love ourselves enough to have a standard!? We have to EXPECT behaviors from men that meet those standards, and if the men fall short, we have to like ourselves enough to say bye-bye! Some behaviors might be what men want and not be what works for US and that’s fine. But for God’s sake, walk away. DON’T BE DESPERATE. If a man is an abuser, he has it in him to do that. Do you need to know more? If he has it in him to beat up a women he is NOT A MAN. Leave!
Bottom line: It’s not just women over fifty who are abused and treated like garbage. It’s younger women too. Where is this coming from? It’s coming from a society that has begun to view women as commodities again. It is coming from a society that has realized it’s okay to abuse us, murder us, discriminate against us, throw us away. Worse? Women are buying into it.
The only solution to this situation is for women to start realizing we have value in life, as more than just an orifice or an incubator. We have hearts, souls, minds, lives which are important. And another thing? Get it through your head that sex and love are NOT the same thing!
I might as well stop talking. It’s useless. Here’s a good one. Pack heat. When the asshole starts choking you, defend yourself. Better yet, GET. OUT. Because if you do not, good chance he’s going to kill you. Happens EVERY DAY.