Suzanne Morphew, Susan Powell, Shannon Watts and All of the other Missing Wives

Each day, three women are killed by their intimate partners.  That’s from a domestic violence website,  I didn’t go there because of a violent situation; I went there because I watch a lot of crime shows on youtube and I’m overwhelmed by the number of husbands who claim their wife ‘ran off with another man’ or ‘got kidnapped’ or ‘dragged off by a MOUNTAIN LION’.  I’m sick to death of it and I’m tired of these men getting a pass on murder.

And I’m pissed off at the saying, “No body, no murder conviction”.  That needs to change.  RIGHT NOW.  When a wife disappears under mysterious circumstances, and the husband tries to eat his own lips while on camera AND he’s found to have another woman OR a bobcat…GUILTY!  End of discussion!  Women, we need to put our foot down about this crap!

Women, when your friend says, “If anything happens to me, even if it looks like an accident, it wasn’t”, say something!  Have a little chat with the husband to let him know he’s being watched.  Don’t let your friends suffer the fate of Susan Powell. That poor woman!  Her body has never been found.  Terrible, terrible situation.

Even better, women, get the HELL OUT of these relationships where you know you are in danger.  Please!

What we need is a Ninja squad of OTHER women who deploy to the site of the surviving husband’s house. That’s what we need.  I don’t know!  He just burst into blood!  Probably trying to run off with another woman!  Well it works for the MEN, doesn’t it?

Oh I’m not really going after these men.  I’M not a murderer like they are.  And at least Josh Powell had the good sense to take himself out.  Unfortunately and very sadly, he took his two boys with him.  That was pure evil.

My point of all of this is that men are killing their wives at an alarming rate, people!  If you are in a marriage with a man who views marriage as OWNERSHIP, you’re in deep trouble if you try to leave.  PLEASE get help getting out.  This type of man is dangerous when his ‘property’ is about to leave him.  OR when he finds another toy to play with.

Okay Cheating Men, Stop Killing Your Wives!

Have you ever read a book, or watched a movie so many times you can recite the script before it arrives?  I have.  I watch Pride and Prejudice every time life gets tough.  The one with Matthew MacFayden, that one.  Okay and Keira Knightly.  I probably misspelled both names but I don’t really care; it’s the MOVIE I love, and of course both actors nailed their role.  AND as usual, I digress, but it’s because this is a tough topic.  It’s the one where the husband murders his wife -of-many-years and then wears his ass out trying to cover it up!  It hardly ever works, but OH NO that doesn’t stop them.  Remember the MANY wives-of-many-years who ‘got drunk’ and ‘fell off of a cruise ship’ a few years back?  I think I wrote something about that, like: Whatever you do, don’t go on a cruise!  Go with your girlfriends anyway; you’ll have WAY more fun.  As for me, you’d have to kill me to get me ON a cruise ship.  I don’t like people well enough to be trapped at sea with them. Hey, maybe that’s why my ex never invited me on a cruise! hahaha.

Every  wife who  ‘goes missing’ has ‘run off with another man’ or ‘been abducted’.   Oh wait, or has ‘been attacked by a mountain lion’.  AND then months or years later, the husband is nailed for murdering her.  Oh what a surprise.  It’s like watching a dark Pride and Prejudice over and over!  Wait for it! and place your bets ladies and gentlemen, on when the other woman shows up OR the financial motive arrives on the scene, because, come on, you KNOW one or the other, or both, are coming.  You’ve seen this movie before, right?  Oh and the subplot is that the poor defenseless other woman never KNEW he was MARRIED, or she ‘thought they were SEPARATED’.  Oh, and the man told the other ‘woman’ (I use that label SO loosely) the wife had MENTAL PROBLEMS.  I would laugh out loud at this pitiful, worn out, tattered list of defenseless attempts at ‘innocence’.  But it’s not funny.  It’s serious, but it does show how stupid cheaters are; and it shows to what lengths they will go to a) get some strange; and b) take all of the wife’s hard life’s work and make it hers.

Here’s the thing. First of all, women who have been married for twenty years don’t ‘run off’ anywhere.  We stopped running years ago once we get to THAT point.  And second, WHO ABDUCTS A MIDDLE AGED WOMAN??  Think of another excuse, you unimaginative simpletons.  You’re going to get caught, as well you should.  You’d better hope I’M not on your jury, by the way.  If you see me, go ahead and plead guilty and save the rest of us some tax dollars, because with ME on your jury?  You’re going DOWN. Guess I just made sure I won’t make THAT cut.

Listen women, if you have been married a long time and are ‘of a certain age’, will you please WAKE UP to the current paradigm that has worked up a head of steam in the world?  PAY ATTENTION.  Men have figured out that women ‘run off with another man’ and they THINK they get to KILL YOU.  And, there are younger women who can’t wait to drive your Mercedes and move into the home you’ve poured your heart and resources into.  When did the world forget that women are often the primary money source and that we work JUST as hard as the husbands?

Wife, you need to be in a situation where you can afford a mean attorney, a good private investigator and you should hope you can sue the ass off of the other woman.  IF she hasn’t gone into hiding, that is.  This means…will you please…have your own account to which he has no access?  Will you put money into it every time you get paid?  I’m telling you, a large percentage of the time, you’re gonna need that money.

Oh my husband would NEVER do that to me.  If you think that, you should know that in the murderous cases, the once kind husband becomes a completely different person, one with ice where the heart used to be.  About that, I kid you not.  I have witnessed that, first hand.  When that happens, you are nothing but a worthless object in the way of him FEELNG GOOD.

Oh and there’s a new excuse on the scene!  I almost forgot!   Want to hear it?  Here goes:  “And then, she just…died.”  HAHAHAHA.  I am sorry.  I have to laugh at that one.  People don’t ‘just die’.  But this shrimp head thinks he can use that as an excuse and get away with it.  If you watch the news, you know to whom I refer.  It brings back memories of cruises in the news.

Anyway, any man worth his salt will just divorce us, rather than trying to destroy us financially, emotionally, physically….or killing us.  Too many good women are being buried in shallow graves in the middle of mountainous terrain or back yards of suburbs, smothered in their beds or killed by other surreptitious methods right in their own homes.  Every single day that these murderous men walk free causes me pain deep in my soul.

Pay attention, women.  You are the strong one after all.   And build your life so that you have a way out, even if you never need it!  You know, in order for you to have a way out, you have to be prepared,  see the murderous intent coming and you’ve got to get other people involved when you do see it.  When the danger arrives, you have to have a team in your corner.  This one has to be public.  Sorry, but that’s how we survive.  Sometimes, even then, with all of the pleas for help and warnings, and the notes that say, “If anything happens to me, he did it”, women die anyway.  Don’t be one of them.  Be smart.  And remember, during his scheming time, he’s thinking with the LITTLE head, and that give you an advantage.

It is so hard to look at the man who once treated you so well and loved you, and see the darkness and evil intent in his eyes; I KNOW that.  I’ve been there.  But no matter how much we’d love for that to never happen, it happens.  And it happens all too often.  So many lovely women who trusted and loved their husbands, and even ones who saw the demon and couldn’t get away, are now dead, lost to the ones who actually DID love her.

So pay attention, know that there is evil out there.  Be safe, and remember you are loved and you have value and a purpose for being here.  Don’t let anybody tell you differently.


Get Busy!

Okay, another thrown away wife has come on the scene.  Big surprise.  It’s the way of the world.

This one actually believes her husband, who says he “needs some space”.  GOD in Heaven.

LISTEN UP.  Men do not “need space”.  They are usually the first ones to say “I love you” so they can capture a woman. They are children in grown bodies who need mommies.  The ONLY reason they EVER say they “need space” is so they can screw ANOTHER WOMAN.  GET that through your head.  IF YOUR HUSBAND TELLS YOU HE NEEDS SPACE HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!  Can I be any clearer than that??

This woman is sitting around doing nothing, waiting for her husband to come to his senses.  He controls every single dime of the marital assets, and has asked her to leave so he can have space.  HE DOESN’T HAVE ANY SENSES TO COME TO.   Worse, she is living in someone else’s home, not working, not helping around the house, not doing ANYTHING to help herself.  NOT GOOD.

This woman may be beyond help; maybe she has always been a lump…although I hear she has a college degree and used to be pretty snappy.  But YOU GUYS reading this…will you just get it through your head that the LIKELIHOOD that your husband cheats on you is HUGE.  Read the statistics!  And if he is middle aged, get ready to be thrown away.  TOO BAD, TRUE!  There is a statistical likelihood that he will dump you for a younger woman.   By the way, “getting ready” to be dumped does not mean sitting down and defending the asshole.  You had better know that he will do almost ANYTHING to get rid of you when he is in heat. Some men KILL their wives.  That should TELL YOU SOMETHING!  Listen, you have never seen such a hard hearted, cold, evil persona than a husband caught in an affair and believing he is trapped with HIS WIFE.  IT    IS   FRIGHTENING  to see the change that comes over these “men”.   Believe this:  At that point they would just as soon see you dead.  You had better know this.

Take money out of the account, open one of your own, HIRE A LAWYER and keep moving.  If you sit down and do nothing,  you will first of all be screwed to the wall by your soon-to-be-ex-husband, and second, you will face financial ruin.  Chances are, your husband has already funneled money out of the account like mine did.  Do NOT expect these guys to have ANY regard for your wellbeing.  When they are in heat, all of the blood leaves their teensy little pea brain and goes to the other teensy little part of their body that somehow makes them think they’re wonderful.  They’re not.  Every bit of the thinking and work they do is to figure out how to GET RID OF YOU, and give what you worked for to another woman.  Now if that doesn’t piss you off and make you want to get MOVING, I don’t know what will.  I really don’t.

As much as this happens I cannot BELIEVE how dumb women can be.  I know, you want to trust your husband and you should trust him….UNTIL HE TELLS YOU HE NEEDS SOME SPACE!  I know you are in shock, I know you are traumatized!  But that does NOT mean you can sit down and wait to be destroyed….unless you WANT to be destroyed.  If that’s true, I can’t help you at all.

A note to remember:  If you are not willing to do something to help yourself, don’t expect anyone ELSE to want to help you.  Initial attorney consults are often free.  USE ONE!  And if by some miracle he comes back (I wouldn’t let him NEAR me), you can always reverse the work you’ve done to protect yourself from him.  I’d sleep with one eye open anyway.


I spent a lot of time on the phone today with another thrown away wife.  She is in the throes of asset distribution, and calls me when she it trying to keep the emotion out and logic in.  I remember those days.  I remember the emotional conflict within my soul, because I was feeling every emotion on the list and couldn’t think straight.  She’s doing better than she realizes, though, better than I did.

I made up my mind years ago that I would help women any way I can when they are in this terrible place, and each time it makes me think about how human we all are, and how some of us are happily driven by urges, rather than by intelligent, sensible thinking.  What separates us from animals is our higher brain functions, the ones that make us NOT animals and therefore not subject to control by urges (one would hope).  In other words, men, we are NOT animals.  You are not an animal and by God you don’t get to have it both ways, not with smart women.  Grow up.  Have some pride and self respect.  Be worthy of the women you set out to destroy.

If you listen to pure science rhetoric, or philosophical rhetoric, you hear that men have a natural urge to plant their ‘seed’.  That sentiment makes me want to puke, because it’s an excuse.  Men have an urge. Oh boo hoo.  So do dogs.  So do birds; so do cats; so do snakes.  And here’s another clue for you.  Women have an URGE too, to nurture, to seek out the strongest specimens, to mate with the fittest and THEN, wait for it…to move on to ANOTHER fine specimen.  Oh yeah.  That’s OUR urge.  Once we reproduce with a man we’re “naturally” done with that guy.  Our sexual attraction to that guy fades NATURALLY, and we have the “urge” to move on to the next specimen that trips our trigger.  It’s to keep variety in the gene pool.  Oh you know I’m right.  How many married men whine about how they’re not ‘getting any’.  It’s all natural guys!  Just following our urges. You know, like you do.

SO.  Hello men, women have URGES too.  But many of us actually control them so we can keep on washing your clothes and cooking your meals and LOVING you for more than just the process of reproduction.  Oh, and just so you know?  The “planting of the seed” urge is FOR reproduction; it’s not to make you feel good.  It feels good so you will reproduce.  I know; you couldn’t care less.

What I’m getting at here is that while many people do not believe in monogamy, it IS possible, but it involves intelligent control of “urges” on BOTH sides.  In other words, keep your pants on and stop trolling around for extra-marital sexual stimulation.  OR STOP ASKING WOMEN TO MARRY YOU.  It’s that simple!  If you want to be with a gazillion women (fat chance) then stay single.  And this is a waste of time because the serial cheaters want two things: to feel good and to take your life away from you.

And here’s an interesting tidbit.  Men who got you to marry them so they could own you?  They will not sustain their “charm” when the lust subsides and life settles in.  And it’s that ‘charm’ that made you choose them, be attracted to them.  So they turn off the charm and what happens?  Listen. You can hear married men whining.  But it’s not about them. It’s about both.  The animals don’t want ‘both’, don’t get it, never will get it.  Ya gotta learn how to spot the dogs, the parasites.

Men who throw away women because they are serial cheaters…too nice a term…KNOW they are wrong, that what they are doing is hurting someone who loved them, but they need good women to give them a sense that THEY are good.  And ultimately they are actually looking for a mommy.  Sorry guys.  True.  They are stunted psychologically and they need a mommy to take care of them and to blame for all of their bad behavior.  With these guys, if you know what to look for you can spot the boy in man clothing.  And you can determine their psychological age. I met a ten year old seventy year old recently.  Kid you not.  Was ten when he was ten, was ten when he was seventy, will be ten when he dies.  And boy did he hate me when he knew I saw the ‘real’ him.  It was actually kind of funny.

Cheater men get to attach their sorry butts to good women and hang on until they destroy every good thing in that woman’s life…before they throw her away.  They know they will do it before they do, they know it while they are doing it, and they know it when they cheat and turn on their wife.  They know, and they do it anyway.  And society lets them get away with destroying us financially.  Because they do that too. It’s part of their game.  That’s why SO many women who owned their own homes and were financially secure wind up homeless, scrambling to try to find a place again.  Steam is coming out of my ears.  The woman I talked with today is desperately trying to keep her home!  And the cheater is heartless and trying to hurt her MORE. Which is what they do.  It’s just what they do.

So listen up women.  Please pay attention to these guys and be smart about things.  Learn about how they spend their spare time (is it trolling for sex online or otherwise, for example).  See if they value you for more than an orifice.  See if they EVER care how you feel or here’s a good one….what you THINK about things.  Why did their previous marriage fail?  Here’s the answer:  They cheated.  Don’t sell your house.  Don’t give them money.  Don’t pay their bills.  CALL THE EX and get her side of the story.  If their hobby is their computer?  You know what I’m going to say.  And remember, two of the main characteristics of these guys is charm and the ability to manipulate you.

Relationships between human beings are complex, difficult and beautiful.  Relationships between human women and male dogs?  IMPOSSIBLE.  I don’t care what scientists say about seed planting. It’s an excuse for men to behave like dogs.  Don’t buy it. If women can control our urges, so can men.  Period.  Otherwise, it’s easy.  Stay single.  This is not rocket science.

I hear that it takes ten hears to come out of this valley.  You’ve heard me say that before.  God, I hate it that I’m only in year six.  But it does get better emotionally.  It hasn’t gotten better financially, but I do feel better.  There’s hope.  But each time I touch one of my fellow thrown away wives, some of their desperation and sadness transfers to me, takes me back.  I hate it for them, wish I could take away some of their pain, make them feel better.  But it’s a solo journey and you have to walk each step one by one.  You have to walk through it and survive it.  And nobody sees this coming.  Except the creeps doing the damage.  And that’s a real shame.

I hear that there are good men out there.  Right now, I have serious doubts about that.  The world has changed and you’ve heard me say this too.  Women are becoming…AGAIN…objects.  Our rights are being negated again and we are going backwards in time.  All we can do is be careful whom we open our hearts to.  Because it is our hearts we are concerned with.  Men on the prowl for a host use that fact to their advantage.  So be careful and don’t sell your assets.  Don’t marry ANYBODY until you know their background.  These guys with what I call the ‘sh*#head syndrome’ are everywhere.  I can spot them from a mile away now.  They are always prowling and they ALWAYS want a wife.  It’s how they make part of their living…by taking your assets.

I’m watching it play out again.  And this girl does NOT deserve what she’s going through.


Missing Laughter

One of my gifts is a good sense of humor.  I’m quick witted, and am told it takes intelligence to pull that off well.  I don’t claim any kudos for that.  I was born that way, so it’s natural for me…or used to be.  I jokingly say, though, that if I come back to this world again, I want a smaller IQ and a bigger breast size.  Then I will never be alone.  Intelligent, strong women have a harder time of it, I’m convinced.  So the “next” me should exist in ignorant bliss.

And don’t assume for a minute that I’m not a women’s rights champion.  I am.  But I live in a world rapidly sliding backwards into women being nothing but objects.  And I vehemently rebel against that.  I am comfortable standing toe to toe with any smart guy.  And I might beat them at golf too.  And I dare them to think of me as nothing but an orifice.  But once you lose sex appeal, you have no value.  Sorry: True.  That’s okay with me, by the way.  I’m done with trying to make men feel good about themselves.  That shouldn’t be my job.

Intelligence may have its advantages.  I’ve enjoyed being intelligent, being in the upper echelon of intelligence as they say.  I’ve had insights many people miss, and I’ve stumped a lot of ‘bright’ people.  Out of curiosity, I ask questions which to me are just clarifying questions, and I get the blank stare back.  And I often hear, “Nobody’s ever asked that before”.  Well okay.  But the flip side is that in the girlfriend world, things I want to talk about are definitely NOT the usual girl gathering topics of conversation.  I guess I’m a misfit.  My favorite topics are golf and the stock market.  Well there you go.

I awoke this morning at about 2 am, which happens a lot, due to stress, and the first thought I realized was, “I miss laughing”.  I used to laugh all the time.  ALL the time.  Sometimes that first thought, which in my case rushes through my consciousness, gives heavy insight into my condition, or things I need to work on, or what’s really at the root of issues.  So I pay attention.  I know laughter is the “best medicine”; and maybe it’s not the laughter itself, but the circumstance under which it happens, that makes it important.

Thrown Away Wives often end up very alone.  We end up alone because our husbands throw us away and our family abandons us. Well remember, I told you about that ten year statute of limitations on that abandonment, so we’ll see.  In four years maybe my “family” will come back. What remains to be seen is whether I will want them back.  What do you think?  Would you want people in your life who abandon you when you are most broken?  Seems like a no-brainer to me.  Andddd there’s the thinking again.  A lower IQ person would just rush back in.  Me?  I have to think about that.  And the answer is no.  Forgive?  Yes.  Hang out?  Nope.

I am a real estate agent, so I am around people all the time, and I attend my church regularly, so I am around thousands of people, regularly, in that venue.  But in the grand scheme of things, I am alone in the universe.  Feels like I am loosely tethered, but never engaged.  That’s a terrible feeling, and it wakes me up at 1, 2, 3 in the morning, sometimes in the midst of a panic.  Your subconscious mind works all the time and it’s undeniable that mine works HARD.  Sometimes those 2am thoughts come through as shouts, sometimes just a comment (not voices in my head, but thoughts…relax); but I’ve said before, many times, that I am determined to survive this situation into which I was thrown.  So my subconscious has its marching orders.  Work this out; solve this problem.  And it gives me things to write about, to share with you.  If I don’t know anything else, I know there are hundreds, if not thousands of you, who can relate.

It’s the venue for laughter that makes it the best medicine, because in order for it to happen, there have to be others around and you have to be engaged, plugged in.  In other words laughing at a TV show doesn’t count.  The key is the ‘gathering’ part.  When you are tossed out of your life and things familiar to you at senior part of life, it’s just harder to reinvent that wheel.  And at the time of life when you should be retiring, your need to clump with others goes down.  It’s a conundrum.  Sometimes it’s just easier to go to bed early, you see?  I’m chuckling.  Life is never dull.

So…I find myself becoming more and more isolated, in spite of the fact that I know I need to be around people with whom I can engage.  Prolonged depression or sadness, takes a lot out of you in terms of energy to reach out.  That’s not good.  So my next task is to make a plan, set a goal, to reach out and get together with people at least once a week.  Lunch with a friend, invite a friend to dinner, things like that.  And I’m already thinking that once a week might be too much.

See what I mean?

See you soon…

Letting It Go (Yeah, Right)


I read an article on the Yahoo news feed, that a woman who killed her cheating lying husband and his cheating lying mistress is of course in prison, and was denied parole because she was assessed as still having “pent up anger” (It’s been twenty years).  She has been deemed a threat to society.  STILL!! Uh, somebody should let the parole board know that the anger she experienced sticks to you forever.  It never goes away (clearly).  We just learn how to be quiet about it.  Right ladies?  So either the parole board needs to learn how to deal with women like this (aka get a clue), or just sentence life without parole and be done with it!  But again, we see the “get over it; move on” mentality of the clueless.

Listen, this woman was dismissed from her life.  She has a RIGHT to be angry and STAY angry about that because her life was stolen from her and she will NE-VER-GET-IT-BACK.  This is NOT rocket science.  Anger can be a good thing if it keeps you safe from predators who hurt you.  But righteous anger doesn’t make you a danger to society.  Has ANYBODY watched the news lately?  We need WAY more prisons if righteous anger is a jail-worthy offense.  It is not.  It is how we force CHANGE in this messed up society.  You have to be very loud and very angry to get ANYTHING done.

As I say in my blog and said in my book, this trend of men throwing away their wives…INTO POVERTY…and getting away with it IS GOING to result in more men being killed.  They are killing us by the minute.  Watch the news.  Oh, another missing wife and another cheating lying man on camera saying she ran off with another man. Please. Are these men really THAT stupid? Well yes they are.  First of all, ONE man is enough for most of us. Why would we “run away” with another one?  AND THE CHEATING LYING MURDERERS ALWAYS GET CAUGHT.  And the wife is still dead.  Somebody should be pissed off about this; SOCIETY should be pissed off.

Well, I say two things.  First, this poor thing needs to stop throwing her anger around the prison.    There comes a time to not talk about it and focus on happy things, like how to make a living at old age, and how to find a place to LIVE that’s not made of CARDBOARD.  After all, the true targets of her anger are long since dead.  If we were in the Middle East that wouldn’t be a crime…not for the cheating lying mistress anyway.  Hell, the MEN would kill her.

And second, the only ones in danger are cheating lying men who try to hurt her.   Okay, I can see how the parole board was thinking.  If you consider cheating lying men part of society, as opposed to, say, scourge of the Earth, then yeah, she’s a threat.  But I can promise you, this woman is not a threat.  In fact, she has no idea how hard it’s going to be once she does get out.  Life is no fun for women over fifty who have been thrown away.  Like I said, more likely to be struck by lightning and in fact, a lightning strike would be easier and less painful.  Trust me on that one.

Now, let’s assume this woman gets out in a few years.  Maybe she will read my blog or my book, and realize some strategy.  IF by chance she got into a relationship or had a close brush with one, let me ASSURE you, she would not choose a cheating lying LITTLE BOY; she knows what to look for now.  So society is safe.  And she can’t have a gun anymore anyway.  She’s a felon now and everybody knows felons can’t have guns ever again.

I have to admit, the twenty year part gave me pause.  I thought, God, is this never going to end? I cannot imagine me being so angry that people would view me as a threat….after twenty years. I’m formidable.  I will forevermore be formidable, but I’m not a threat.  Maybe the guy I ran off with his tail between his legs thinks I’m a threat.  But I didn’t shoot at him.  I didn’t even throw knives or rocks!  I think I’m okay on that.  We’ll see how it goes as time goes by.  I would enjoy chucking some rocks though.  I mean, it’s only been six years for me.  I’m a good aim too.  I bet I could knock a lying cheat off his feet.

EVERY once in a while I get a bit sarcastic about this phenomenon, have you noticed?  But what these cheating lying men do to us women is WORTHY of anger and we should have the right to go NINJA on their asses at least once without penalty.  And she should be able to tell the parole board that and not have it thrown back on her.  If they build a parole board of women over fifty, she’ll get out RIGHT NOW.  And think about it.  She’s been in prison twenty years?  Her only weapon is probably her cane.  Too bad about that.

The Value of a Hug

It seems everywhere you go, if people know you, you will end up in a conversation about being thrown away.  What this does for the one asking, is inform them about something they can’t possibly understand.  It’s good that they want to know, most of the time, but still, you can look at their eyes and see that they don’t have a CLUE about the devastating impact of being thrown away.  Good for them that they haven’t experienced the tragedy, and of course you know that if they HAD experienced it, they wouldn’t ask about it.  It’s too painful to re-live.  You guys know this stuff by now.

So I had a really nice visit with some friends yesterday, on the heels of putting flowers on the graves of three loved ones.  I almost added “who died” but then I thought, of course they died: otherwise why would they be in graves?  See how my mind works and how quickly I can run down a rabbit trail?  Stay with me.  It goes back on track.

Anyway it was an emotional endeavor, but it was good to honor my loved ones.  Then I visited my friends and we went to dinner, after which we talked until late into the evening.  One big topic, of course, was my armageddon.  Listen, I really love these people and I know they love me.  I know the reason they ask questions is because they care. And listen, even if they don’t ask directly, the topic bleeds in because you say things like, “When I was homeless…”  Crap like that.

“You were homeless???”  Anddddd off we go.

Afterward, as I drove home…a two and a half hour trek…I cried for the first leg of the trip.  And of course all of the emotion was once again, just at the surface.  And….it got me to thinking…

I hate it when that happens.  But I got to thinking about the people who were in the passing train cars as I suffered, how they shouted misguided wisdom or even sometimes hateful discourse, all in the guise of “help”, OR didn’t bother to look for God’s sake, as they trundled past me into the comfort of their life train…leaving me in a heap beside the tracks…so to speak.  And these are people who LOVE ME PEOPLE!  LOVE!  You can’t make this stuff up!

I’m sure they felt better having shared their misguided wisdom and of course that’s all that matters…that they feel good.   I mean they TRIED to help me, but I just wouldn’t help MYSELF.  Assholes.  No really, that’s what they believe.  GRRRRR.

See, I can’t help but be facetious when I talk about this stuff.  I mean people really piss me off.  I call them smooth-brains.  But I digress.  Again.

What does it mean when you get angry because you get sad?  I think that’s got a label somewhere.

And it suddenly stuck me…nobody hugged me, she said, finally getting to the point.  As broken as I was when I was discarded, as emotionally traumatized as I was, as alone as I felt and as embarrassed as I felt…you know all of the feelings…NOBODY HUGGED ME.  NO BO DY. And I wondered….

Am I unhuggable?  Am I not worthy of having anybody reach out in true caring love?

See, it’s been six years…five years…heck I can’t remember anymore.  Six.  It’s been six years, and  STILL these self destructive thoughts come crashing in.  NO.  I am NOT unhuggable.  And YES I AM worthy of caring love.  By society’s standards I’m more WORTHY of hugs and love than some of the assholes who treated me like garbage and reinforced the trauma.  Oh yeah, I’m in the anger phase.  But the GOOD thing is that I finally GET IT that I’m a VERY good person. And I get it that the train riders are out of my life.  Period.  My standards are higher now.  Oh look: A benefit.

Are you following this crap?  After all of this time, the PARADIGM of having been thrown away and society’s view of it still pollute my emotions.  After all of this time, a deeply seated part of me still believes somehow it’s my fault.  And that’s wrong.  It wasn’t me.  It was a person with no integrity, a liar and cheater, who was at fault.  I was targeted by him BECAUSE I am huggable and BECAUSE I am worthy worthy of love.  Precisely those reasons.  And I happened to have a lot of investment assets, which made me a HUGE target…just so you know I’m not all THAT lovable.  I mean, I’m pretty doggone good, but I’m not perfect.  Close though.  hahaha.

Bottom line is this.  After you send some anonymous cash to someone…as I suggested in the last blog entry?  HUG THEM, DAMNIT.  It doesn’t cost you a DIME to give someone a hug…and not a meaningless AIR HUG.  I mean a REAL HUG, and let them know they are NOT invisible and that they DO matter.  And if you are not trying to pick their POCKET while you hug them, then you just might be a keeper 🙂

And oh, while my anger phase is in full swing?  I still have my sense of humor.  HA.  The cheating, lying asshole couldn’t take THAT.

I’ll try to be nice next time, but I can’t promise.  The anger phase is good for me.  And NECESSARY.  That’s what all of the experts say…

I’ll be back.

About Donations

Yesterday I had yet another conversation with an older woman, living alone, abandoned by her family and struggling to make ends meet.  She told me that she never tells anyone how bad her financial situation is, because it’s embarrassing and because people don’t care anyway.  I get that.  I live it.  I have known this woman for decades, and knew her when she wasn’t poor and had family around her…when she had ‘something to give’.  A lot of something, in fact.  That’s the magic variable: Something to give.

I told you a long time ago, love is parasitic.  That sounds bitter and pathetic, doesn’t it?  hahaha.  But it’s not.  It’s the cold, harsh reality.  Love is all about what you can GET from somebody else.  That’s not Biblical, but it’s our new reality.  Sad.  I have studied this phenomenon from the inside and sometimes I chuckle.  I am amused at the unadulterated truth about life and how fooled we are.  We try to make things seem pretty and fair and safe and morally superior.  But the unadulterated truth is this:  It’s about what I can get from YOU.  No really.  Before you shake your head in disbelief, THINK about it.  Really think about your loved one and how you would react if you couldn’t get what you want from him/her.  I warn you; the truth hurts until you get used to it.  When you see that the ’emperor’ is really naked, it makes you laugh sometimes, at the games we play.

It is pathetic and socially heartbreaking that we claim to be such a great, wealthy nation and yet we treat a huge part of our citizenry as worthless.  We are NOT worthless and we are NOT invisible.  But we are also not one of the “defined” minorities who demand to be taken care of, about whom the bleeding hearts talk a lot but do little.  We can’t garner votes…nor have babies to guarantee a monthly check.  We’re not sexual anymore and we can’t hand over our paycheck.  So…society at large  wishes us to be invisible, because this way, people do not have to understand that love and care are both verbs as well as nouns.  Verbs, by the way, imply ACTION. Too complicated for you?  Well there you go.

As fate would have it, I also got a comment  on my blog yesterday about not having a ‘donate’ button on my blog site.  This reader would have donated to the cause of thrown away wives.  I never meet this person, but I know her.  I know her character and it is rare and precious.  This reader has “the care gene”, that rare and precious character trait that is fading from society and which, by the way, makes you a target for parasites who will use you and throw you away.  Anyway, the truth is, I don’t know how to manage online donations.  Her idea is a good one, and I have contemplated starting a non-profit organization just to help older abandoned women…the ones society deems worthless.  Maybe one day I can figure that out.

But here’s the thing.  And this is something I and the thrown away woman spoke about yesterday.  It should be NO surprise to people that older women are alone, often abandoned and struggling financially, if people only paid attention.  We are not “of childbearing years”.  That’s society’s veiled way of saying we are not sexually attractive anymore and therefore we are useless.  I know.  For God’s sake that’s harsh.  Well, if you have a brain that works, do your own research and face reality if you dare.  But that, folks, is THE one big reason we are invisible. If you are of child bearing years, you won’t believe it, and if you are past child bearing years, you are now invisible.  Welcome.

We are EVERYWHERE, the  unseen thrown away.  Most people do not care, But once in a while a person passes us who DOES see us, who does get it.  And here’s something you guys can do…all three of you.  Go to the bank and take out three one hundred dollar bills. Or two.  Or one.  Buy a card and put the money in it.  Mail that card with money to one of the thrown away women YOU KNOW.  Because I know you know many of us.  I PROMISE you she needs it and I promise you the result of that action will be disproportionately huge from YOUR perspective.  To you, three one hundred dollars bills is nothing; to her, it means she can buy groceries this month.  And to her, it means for a brief moment somebody ACTUALLY SAW her.  That might even be more important than grocery money.  Here’s an idea:  Do it anonymously.  That’s how its supposed to be.

Want to hear something you won’t believe?  We throw-aways ROUTINELY give to one another; we sacrifice, say, eating meat for a week, in order to give that value to a throw away who might not have grocery money at ALL.  We sacrifice even when it hurts.  And, do you remember me saying that it is precisely because of that element of our character that we were targeted by the users who bled us dry and thew us away?  We are compassionate and generous.  Isn’t that interesting? she said, being facetious.

Listen, I can’t afford to give anybody anything, yet I do.  And yet there are those less fortunate than I.  I live in a home.  I have a friend who, until just last week, lived in a bedroom.  I’ve done that.  It’s amazing that a bedroom is enough, but when you are worthless and invisible, it is.  In fact it is a gracious PLENTY.  This woman just moved into her own apartment, with no furniture.  She was as thrilled as if she had bought a palace.  All I had to do was mention in my church group that she would appreciate used furniture donations and before you know it, she had living room and dining room furniture.  Just like that.  Imagine.  Others’ old furniture became her “home”.  That’s how it works.  Oh.  And she has a son.  Who could have bought her furniture.  Just thought I’d throw that in.

Before I get off of my soapbox, let me add this.  We WORK.  We don’t lounge around waiting for a check to show up.  We don’t do drugs, we don’t stand on the corner begging.  We have JOBS.  And I said jobs, plural.  Like I said in my book, I worked THREE jobs at once in order to survive.  Many throw-aways work multiple jobs.  MOST work multiple jobs.  So we’re not sitting around on the pity pot.  But we are still human beings who deserve to at least be seen.  And I will add this again.  Love is a verb.  You don’t have to be an anonymous donor to make a difference.  You know people who need help.  Help them.  And let me add, finally.  God bless the ones who DO see us, and who do reach out.  We could NOT have made it without them.

I just had an idea.  Adopt a throw away.  Our families don’t want us.  But I, for example, am a grandmother. I have grandkids I never get to see because I’m invisible, you see.  But  I’d like to actually practice being a grandparent.  Any spare families out there?  Something to think about…for another blog.

Homework:  Find a throw away.  Donate.

Women, Start Realizing Your Value!

I watched a TV program today, where an abusive husband and his abused wife were interviewed, and again, I was astonished.   See, I was too young to understand the whole women’s lib thing when Gloria Steinem was beginning her women’s movement.  I remember seeing her on TV and thinking how brave she was.  I remember thinking what big trouble she was getting into, too!  Those were the times.  But right now, I miss her in that venue.  I’m all grown up and I completely understand the great things she did for women, and how much of that ground has been lost in recent years.  You’ve heard me say that before.

The man interviewed on this TV show described, devoid of emotion, how he beat his wife, timed how long he choked her so she wouldn’t die but would be subdued while his anger subsided, how, yep, he broke her nose.  He admitted he beat her while holding their baby girl in his “other hand”.  He admitted that, after beating her until she bled, he made her get in the bathtub because she was bleeding on the floor and that made him madder.  And she did it!  Got into the tub, fully clothed, and washed the blood off of herself….while he watched her cry.  And the wife? What was she doing while this story…her story…unfolded?  She smiled.  At first I thought it was an act.  Eventually she said she smiled out of embarrassment.   And she didn’t cry until she was reminded that her baby girl could be killed by this idiot when he went nuts over something being spilled.  That made her cry.  Thank God.  She at least had compassion for her child, if not for herself.

Another twist?  The male psychologist (not psychiatrist) told the wife she needed to own her role in this abuse.  Essentially, she brought it on herself.  Oh.  My.  God.  Well that got shot down pretty quickly, thank God.

When asked why she stayed with this excuse for a man, she finally admitted that she had no money and nowhere to go.  Well there you go.  Gloria Steinem once said that a woman with small children is one man away from welfare.  She also said a women without a man is like fish without a bicycle.

But the REAL truth about this abused woman is that she has no respect for herself, doesn’t love herself, and that’s sad. It’s also very common.  No way of knowing why she feels that way about herself, but clearly she did not realize her value as a human being.  Problem?  She’s raising a DAUGHTER in this mess.

I’m no psychiatrist, but this ‘man’ looked like a serial killer (of women) in the making.  And he looked like a stone cold sociopath. It was chilling.   And he looked like he was saying what the interviewer want to hear.  Example:  I’m disgusted with myself.  Yeah right.  He does not deserve this, or any other, woman.  And he needs to be locked up, away from society.  He’s a disaster in the making.

Women!  When are we going to realize that we have to love ourselves enough to have a standard!?  We have to EXPECT behaviors from men that meet those standards, and if the men fall short, we have to like ourselves enough to say bye-bye!  Some behaviors might be what men want and not be what works for US and that’s fine.  But for God’s sake, walk away. DON’T BE DESPERATE.  If a man is an abuser, he has it in him to do that.  Do you need to know more?  If he has it in him to beat up a women he is NOT A MAN. Leave!

Bottom line:  It’s not just women over fifty who are abused and treated like garbage.  It’s younger women too.  Where is this coming from?  It’s coming from a society that has begun to view women as commodities again.  It is coming from a society that has realized it’s okay to abuse us, murder us, discriminate against us, throw us away.  Worse?  Women are buying into it.

The only solution to this situation is for women to start realizing we have value in life, as more than just an orifice or an incubator.  We have hearts, souls, minds, lives which are important.  And another thing?  Get it through your head that sex and love are NOT the same thing!

I might as well stop talking.  It’s useless.  Here’s a good one.  Pack heat.  When the asshole starts choking you, defend yourself.  Better yet, GET.  OUT.  Because if you do not, good chance he’s going to kill you.  Happens EVERY DAY.

Gotta go.


Your Feedback

Hi everyone.

Just want to thank you for your feedback about what I write, and about the site.  I don’t have a lot of widgets and flashy content, but there’s a reason for that.  When you go through what I experienced, and what thousands of women experience (and a few men too) it changes your outlook.  For how long?  Not sure yet.  But I can say this:  It forces you inside your head and heart, into contemplation mode.  Nobody cares about a zippy web site when you are in survival mode.  It’s about good, solid, honest information you can use.  Something to help you live, and WANT to live, actually.

The internet has changed the world, in large part because we, the little people, who have something worthwhile to say, now have a venue by which to do that…all of the other trash notwithstanding.  Those of us who were around when the internet was born can say, without a doubt, that the internet was the biggest game changer of our lives…of everybody’s life.  Blow dryers are pretty important too.  Kidding.

I agree with Steve Jobs, that we are incredibly fortunate to be living in this age (I think I will always miss his edgy creativity). For him, he said he was here at just the right time, and the right place, to maximize his experience, and those of thousands of others as well, no doubt.  And I had a hand in the success of the internet too, by working in the optical fiber business, working to make glass attenuation woes a thing of the past.  That means FAST data transmission (You’re welcome).  But this web site is not about excitement.  Its about survival and about helping others.

Life becomes the antithesis of fun when you are thrown away.  There are no cool apps or fun games or pretty web sites…it becomes about survival.  And I found that the contemplative time was a good thing. I found that reading good, solid writing told from someone’s heart, HELPED me.  And help was all I needed.

So, let’s see…it’s been 6 years now, and life is getting better.  But I still say it will take ten years for my life to balance again.  Maybe then I can make the site prettier.  But I will never try to make it fun or trendy.  There is nothing fun nor trendy about having your life suddenly mean nothing.

So bear with me, keep reading, please, and most of all if you are a thrown away wife, hang on and hang in there. And if you are NOT a throw away, just think about what I say here.  I promise it will matter in some small way.  And that’s all I’m after.