Category Archives: Divorce late in life

Get Busy!

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Okay, another thrown away wife has come on the scene.  Big surprise.  It’s the way of the world.

This one actually believes her husband, who says he “needs some space”.  GOD in Heaven.

LISTEN UP.  Men do not “need space”.  They are usually the first ones to say “I love you” so they can capture a woman. They are children in grown bodies who need mommies.  The ONLY reason they EVER say they “need space” is so they can screw ANOTHER WOMAN.  GET that through your head.  IF YOUR HUSBAND TELLS YOU HE NEEDS SPACE HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!  Can I be any clearer than that??

This woman is sitting around doing nothing, waiting for her husband to come to his senses.  He controls every single dime of the marital assets, and has asked her to leave so he can have space.  HE DOESN’T HAVE ANY SENSES TO COME TO.   Worse, she is living in someone else’s home, not working, not helping around the house, not doing ANYTHING to help herself.  NOT GOOD.

This woman may be beyond help; maybe she has always been a lump…although I hear she has a college degree and used to be pretty snappy.  But YOU GUYS reading this…will you just get it through your head that the LIKELIHOOD that your husband cheats on you is HUGE.  Read the statistics!  And if he is middle aged, get ready to be thrown away.  TOO BAD, TRUE!  There is a statistical likelihood that he will dump you for a younger woman.   By the way, “getting ready” to be dumped does not mean sitting down and defending the asshole.  You had better know that he will do almost ANYTHING to get rid of you when he is in heat. Some men KILL their wives.  That should TELL YOU SOMETHING!  Listen, you have never seen such a hard hearted, cold, evil persona than a husband caught in an affair and believing he is trapped with HIS WIFE.  IT    IS   FRIGHTENING  to see the change that comes over these “men”.   Believe this:  At that point they would just as soon see you dead.  You had better know this.

Take money out of the account, open one of your own, HIRE A LAWYER and keep moving.  If you sit down and do nothing,  you will first of all be screwed to the wall by your soon-to-be-ex-husband, and second, you will face financial ruin.  Chances are, your husband has already funneled money out of the account like mine did.  Do NOT expect these guys to have ANY regard for your wellbeing.  When they are in heat, all of the blood leaves their teensy little pea brain and goes to the other teensy little part of their body that somehow makes them think they’re wonderful.  They’re not.  Every bit of the thinking and work they do is to figure out how to GET RID OF YOU, and give what you worked for to another woman.  Now if that doesn’t piss you off and make you want to get MOVING, I don’t know what will.  I really don’t.

As much as this happens I cannot BELIEVE how dumb women can be.  I know, you want to trust your husband and you should trust him….UNTIL HE TELLS YOU HE NEEDS SOME SPACE!  I know you are in shock, I know you are traumatized!  But that does NOT mean you can sit down and wait to be destroyed….unless you WANT to be destroyed.  If that’s true, I can’t help you at all.

A note to remember:  If you are not willing to do something to help yourself, don’t expect anyone ELSE to want to help you.  Initial attorney consults are often free.  USE ONE!  And if by some miracle he comes back (I wouldn’t let him NEAR me), you can always reverse the work you’ve done to protect yourself from him.  I’d sleep with one eye open anyway.

Missing Laughter

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One of my gifts is a good sense of humor.  I’m quick witted, and am told it takes intelligence to pull that off well.  I don’t claim any kudos for that.  I was born that way, so it’s natural for me…or used to be.  I jokingly say, though, that if I come back to this world again, I want a smaller IQ and a bigger breast size.  Then I will never be alone.  Intelligent, strong women have a harder time of it, I’m convinced.  So the “next” me should exist in ignorant bliss.

And don’t assume for a minute that I’m not a women’s rights champion.  I am.  But I live in a world rapidly sliding backwards into women being nothing but objects.  And I vehemently rebel against that.  I am comfortable standing toe to toe with any smart guy.  And I might beat them at golf too.  And I dare them to think of me as nothing but an orifice.  But once you lose sex appeal, you have no value.  Sorry: True.  That’s okay with me, by the way.  I’m done with trying to make men feel good about themselves.  That shouldn’t be my job.

Intelligence may have its advantages.  I’ve enjoyed being intelligent, being in the upper echelon of intelligence as they say.  I’ve had insights many people miss, and I’ve stumped a lot of ‘bright’ people.  Out of curiosity, I ask questions which to me are just clarifying questions, and I get the blank stare back.  And I often hear, “Nobody’s ever asked that before”.  Well okay.  But the flip side is that in the girlfriend world, things I want to talk about are definitely NOT the usual girl gathering topics of conversation.  I guess I’m a misfit.  My favorite topics are golf and the stock market.  Well there you go.

I awoke this morning at about 2 am, which happens a lot, due to stress, and the first thought I realized was, “I miss laughing”.  I used to laugh all the time.  ALL the time.  Sometimes that first thought, which in my case rushes through my consciousness, gives heavy insight into my condition, or things I need to work on, or what’s really at the root of issues.  So I pay attention.  I know laughter is the “best medicine”; and maybe it’s not the laughter itself, but the circumstance under which it happens, that makes it important.

Thrown Away Wives often end up very alone.  We end up alone because our husbands throw us away and our family abandons us. Well remember, I told you about that ten year statute of limitations on that abandonment, so we’ll see.  In four years maybe my “family” will come back. What remains to be seen is whether I will want them back.  What do you think?  Would you want people in your life who abandon you when you are most broken?  Seems like a no-brainer to me.  Andddd there’s the thinking again.  A lower IQ person would just rush back in.  Me?  I have to think about that.  And the answer is no.  Forgive?  Yes.  Hang out?  Nope.

I am a real estate agent, so I am around people all the time, and I attend my church regularly, so I am around thousands of people, regularly, in that venue.  But in the grand scheme of things, I am alone in the universe.  Feels like I am loosely tethered, but never engaged.  That’s a terrible feeling, and it wakes me up at 1, 2, 3 in the morning, sometimes in the midst of a panic.  Your subconscious mind works all the time and it’s undeniable that mine works HARD.  Sometimes those 2am thoughts come through as shouts, sometimes just a comment (not voices in my head, but thoughts…relax); but I’ve said before, many times, that I am determined to survive this situation into which I was thrown.  So my subconscious has its marching orders.  Work this out; solve this problem.  And it gives me things to write about, to share with you.  If I don’t know anything else, I know there are hundreds, if not thousands of you, who can relate.

It’s the venue for laughter that makes it the best medicine, because in order for it to happen, there have to be others around and you have to be engaged, plugged in.  In other words laughing at a TV show doesn’t count.  The key is the ‘gathering’ part.  When you are tossed out of your life and things familiar to you at senior part of life, it’s just harder to reinvent that wheel.  And at the time of life when you should be retiring, your need to clump with others goes down.  It’s a conundrum.  Sometimes it’s just easier to go to bed early, you see?  I’m chuckling.  Life is never dull.

So…I find myself becoming more and more isolated, in spite of the fact that I know I need to be around people with whom I can engage.  Prolonged depression or sadness, takes a lot out of you in terms of energy to reach out.  That’s not good.  So my next task is to make a plan, set a goal, to reach out and get together with people at least once a week.  Lunch with a friend, invite a friend to dinner, things like that.  And I’m already thinking that once a week might be too much.

See what I mean?

See you soon…

Letting It Go (Yeah, Right)

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Impossible.

I read an article on the Yahoo news feed, that a woman who killed her cheating lying husband and his cheating lying mistress is of course in prison, and was denied parole because she was assessed as still having “pent up anger” (It’s been twenty years).  She has been deemed a threat to society.  STILL!! Uh, somebody should let the parole board know that the anger she experienced sticks to you forever.  It never goes away (clearly).  We just learn how to be quiet about it.  Right ladies?  So either the parole board needs to learn how to deal with women like this (aka get a clue), or just sentence life without parole and be done with it!  But again, we see the “get over it; move on” mentality of the clueless.

Listen, this woman was dismissed from her life.  She has a RIGHT to be angry and STAY angry about that because her life was stolen from her and she will NE-VER-GET-IT-BACK.  This is NOT rocket science.  Anger can be a good thing if it keeps you safe from predators who hurt you.  But righteous anger doesn’t make you a danger to society.  Has ANYBODY watched the news lately?  We need WAY more prisons if righteous anger is a jail-worthy offense.  It is not.  It is how we force CHANGE in this messed up society.  You have to be very loud and very angry to get ANYTHING done.

As I say in my blog and said in my book, this trend of men throwing away their wives…INTO POVERTY…and getting away with it IS GOING to result in more men being killed.  They are killing us by the minute.  Watch the news.  Oh, another missing wife and another cheating lying man on camera saying she ran off with another man. Please. Are these men really THAT stupid? Well yes they are.  First of all, ONE man is enough for most of us. Why would we “run away” with another one?  AND THE CHEATING LYING MURDERERS ALWAYS GET CAUGHT.  And the wife is still dead.  Somebody should be pissed off about this; SOCIETY should be pissed off.

Well, I say two things.  First, this poor thing needs to stop throwing her anger around the prison.    There comes a time to not talk about it and focus on happy things, like how to make a living at old age, and how to find a place to LIVE that’s not made of CARDBOARD.  After all, the true targets of her anger are long since dead.  If we were in the Middle East that wouldn’t be a crime…not for the cheating lying mistress anyway.  Hell, the MEN would kill her.

And second, the only ones in danger are cheating lying men who try to hurt her.   Okay, I can see how the parole board was thinking.  If you consider cheating lying men part of society, as opposed to, say, scourge of the Earth, then yeah, she’s a threat.  But I can promise you, this woman is not a threat.  In fact, she has no idea how hard it’s going to be once she does get out.  Life is no fun for women over fifty who have been thrown away.  Like I said, more likely to be struck by lightning and in fact, a lightning strike would be easier and less painful.  Trust me on that one.

Now, let’s assume this woman gets out in a few years.  Maybe she will read my blog or my book, and realize some strategy.  IF by chance she got into a relationship or had a close brush with one, let me ASSURE you, she would not choose a cheating lying LITTLE BOY; she knows what to look for now.  So society is safe.  And she can’t have a gun anymore anyway.  She’s a felon now and everybody knows felons can’t have guns ever again.

I have to admit, the twenty year part gave me pause.  I thought, God, is this never going to end? I cannot imagine me being so angry that people would view me as a threat….after twenty years. I’m formidable.  I will forevermore be formidable, but I’m not a threat.  Maybe the guy I ran off with his tail between his legs thinks I’m a threat.  But I didn’t shoot at him.  I didn’t even throw knives or rocks!  I think I’m okay on that.  We’ll see how it goes as time goes by.  I would enjoy chucking some rocks though.  I mean, it’s only been six years for me.  I’m a good aim too.  I bet I could knock a lying cheat off his feet.

EVERY once in a while I get a bit sarcastic about this phenomenon, have you noticed?  But what these cheating lying men do to us women is WORTHY of anger and we should have the right to go NINJA on their asses at least once without penalty.  And she should be able to tell the parole board that and not have it thrown back on her.  If they build a parole board of women over fifty, she’ll get out RIGHT NOW.  And think about it.  She’s been in prison twenty years?  Her only weapon is probably her cane.  Too bad about that.

About Donations

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Yesterday I had yet another conversation with an older woman, living alone, abandoned by her family and struggling to make ends meet.  She told me that she never tells anyone how bad her financial situation is, because it’s embarrassing and because people don’t care anyway.  I get that.  I live it.  I have known this woman for decades, and knew her when she wasn’t poor and had family around her…when she had ‘something to give’.  A lot of something, in fact.  That’s the magic variable: Something to give.

I told you a long time ago, love is parasitic.  That sounds bitter and pathetic, doesn’t it?  hahaha.  But it’s not.  It’s the cold, harsh reality.  Love is all about what you can GET from somebody else.  That’s not Biblical, but it’s our new reality.  Sad.  I have studied this phenomenon from the inside and sometimes I chuckle.  I am amused at the unadulterated truth about life and how fooled we are.  We try to make things seem pretty and fair and safe and morally superior.  But the unadulterated truth is this:  It’s about what I can get from YOU.  No really.  Before you shake your head in disbelief, THINK about it.  Really think about your loved one and how you would react if you couldn’t get what you want from him/her.  I warn you; the truth hurts until you get used to it.  When you see that the ’emperor’ is really naked, it makes you laugh sometimes, at the games we play.

It is pathetic and socially heartbreaking that we claim to be such a great, wealthy nation and yet we treat a huge part of our citizenry as worthless.  We are NOT worthless and we are NOT invisible.  But we are also not one of the “defined” minorities who demand to be taken care of, about whom the bleeding hearts talk a lot but do little.  We can’t garner votes…nor have babies to guarantee a monthly check.  We’re not sexual anymore and we can’t hand over our paycheck.  So…society at large  wishes us to be invisible, because this way, people do not have to understand that love and care are both verbs as well as nouns.  Verbs, by the way, imply ACTION. Too complicated for you?  Well there you go.

As fate would have it, I also got a comment  on my blog yesterday about not having a ‘donate’ button on my blog site.  This reader would have donated to the cause of thrown away wives.  I never meet this person, but I know her.  I know her character and it is rare and precious.  This reader has “the care gene”, that rare and precious character trait that is fading from society and which, by the way, makes you a target for parasites who will use you and throw you away.  Anyway, the truth is, I don’t know how to manage online donations.  Her idea is a good one, and I have contemplated starting a non-profit organization just to help older abandoned women…the ones society deems worthless.  Maybe one day I can figure that out.

But here’s the thing.  And this is something I and the thrown away woman spoke about yesterday.  It should be NO surprise to people that older women are alone, often abandoned and struggling financially, if people only paid attention.  We are not “of childbearing years”.  That’s society’s veiled way of saying we are not sexually attractive anymore and therefore we are useless.  I know.  For God’s sake that’s harsh.  Well, if you have a brain that works, do your own research and face reality if you dare.  But that, folks, is THE one big reason we are invisible. If you are of child bearing years, you won’t believe it, and if you are past child bearing years, you are now invisible.  Welcome.

We are EVERYWHERE, the  unseen thrown away.  Most people do not care, But once in a while a person passes us who DOES see us, who does get it.  And here’s something you guys can do…all three of you.  Go to the bank and take out three one hundred dollar bills. Or two.  Or one.  Buy a card and put the money in it.  Mail that card with money to one of the thrown away women YOU KNOW.  Because I know you know many of us.  I PROMISE you she needs it and I promise you the result of that action will be disproportionately huge from YOUR perspective.  To you, three one hundred dollars bills is nothing; to her, it means she can buy groceries this month.  And to her, it means for a brief moment somebody ACTUALLY SAW her.  That might even be more important than grocery money.  Here’s an idea:  Do it anonymously.  That’s how its supposed to be.

Want to hear something you won’t believe?  We throw-aways ROUTINELY give to one another; we sacrifice, say, eating meat for a week, in order to give that value to a throw away who might not have grocery money at ALL.  We sacrifice even when it hurts.  And, do you remember me saying that it is precisely because of that element of our character that we were targeted by the users who bled us dry and thew us away?  We are compassionate and generous.  Isn’t that interesting? she said, being facetious.

Listen, I can’t afford to give anybody anything, yet I do.  And yet there are those less fortunate than I.  I live in a home.  I have a friend who, until just last week, lived in a bedroom.  I’ve done that.  It’s amazing that a bedroom is enough, but when you are worthless and invisible, it is.  In fact it is a gracious PLENTY.  This woman just moved into her own apartment, with no furniture.  She was as thrilled as if she had bought a palace.  All I had to do was mention in my church group that she would appreciate used furniture donations and before you know it, she had living room and dining room furniture.  Just like that.  Imagine.  Others’ old furniture became her “home”.  That’s how it works.  Oh.  And she has a son.  Who could have bought her furniture.  Just thought I’d throw that in.

Before I get off of my soapbox, let me add this.  We WORK.  We don’t lounge around waiting for a check to show up.  We don’t do drugs, we don’t stand on the corner begging.  We have JOBS.  And I said jobs, plural.  Like I said in my book, I worked THREE jobs at once in order to survive.  Many throw-aways work multiple jobs.  MOST work multiple jobs.  So we’re not sitting around on the pity pot.  But we are still human beings who deserve to at least be seen.  And I will add this again.  Love is a verb.  You don’t have to be an anonymous donor to make a difference.  You know people who need help.  Help them.  And let me add, finally.  God bless the ones who DO see us, and who do reach out.  We could NOT have made it without them.

I just had an idea.  Adopt a throw away.  Our families don’t want us.  But I, for example, am a grandmother. I have grandkids I never get to see because I’m invisible, you see.  But  I’d like to actually practice being a grandparent.  Any spare families out there?  Something to think about…for another blog.

Homework:  Find a throw away.  Donate.

Feeling Unworthy

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A common theme among throwaways, is a feeling that we will be alone for the rest of our lives.  It makes us sad and a little bit scared, and we know we don’t deserve to be in this situation. We are better than that.  We simply got older.  That isn’t a crime, but you really couldn’t prove it by us. So…let’s look at this stuff for a minute.  What are we really missing here?

Women say they can’t have relationships anymore (they are wrong).  They can, but the problem is that we are wounded, deeply, and we are not going to believe every guy who hits on us. Not gonna happen.  We want proof of character…and that’s all but impossible to find.  Men in our generation feel (wrongly) entitled and they want mommies, not a partner. I think we should all step to the sidelines, cross our arms, tilt our head back a bit and just study men.  Detach, analyze, have fun with it.  I mean really, this stuff makes you laugh if you just step back and study it.

I think there are two reasons (at least) throwaways feel worthless.  One is that we feel a deep and abiding feeling of being unwanted by society. There’s no better way to make a person feel worthless than to throw them away like garbage.  This event in our lives destroys something fundamental to our self worth that takes years to rebuild. I’m not sure it can ever BE rebuilt, but I refuse to give up on myself.  Why?  Because I’m freaking awesome, that’s why.  Working against us is the second reason:  Women in their fifties and sixties are in the ‘donut hole’ of relationships’.  Bear with me here.  Analyze.

If you get the ad emails trying to get you to date online, you see hundreds of men our age looking for “love” (don’t get me started).  But men 67 years old list the age of their perfect mate at “35-45”.  God, that makes me laugh. Who exactly do they think they are?  I mean, look at some of the pictures!  Sometimes I can’t delete that stuff fast enough to avoid NIGHTMARES. But the point is that men our age are not interested in us.  They are not interested in us because they are not looking for love; they are looking to get LAID.  BIG DIFFERENCE.  And good luck with that.  What 35 year old ‘woman’ in her right mind would seek out a 65 year old man anyway?  Oh god, you really need to look at some of these men!  Oh I love the ones with hats.  The hat ones are REALLY scary.

WE on the other hand, are looking for someone mature and intelligent enough to INTEREST us.  We are looking for QUALITY, substance, ACTUAL maturity.  We don’t need someone to cook for, clean up after, to provide sexual release for (God, it never ends)  We are looking for quality.

Oh here’s one I love.  “I love to dance and go to night spots”.  AT AGE 72?  Really?  What business does a 72 year old have in a bar? I have wine at home.  And its cheaper and better.  Ladies, are you analyzing?  Do you really miss this crap?

I think about how I would write one of those profiles for a dating site and I get a headache. I want to say, “First, don’t take a picture of you and your dog.  That just proves you are needy. Second, try not to look like a serial killer!  And stop lying about your age.  Also, don’t ask for a fit and toned, feminine (likes to wear skirts) woman when you look like you just got up from a nap.  Comb your hair, stop taking selfies in your BATHROOM…better yet stop taking selfies altogether!  Oh and ponytails on an old guy do not look good.  Not to me and not to a 35 year old.  Grooming: Look it up.”

What do you think?  Think I could get a date?

NO!  I don’t think that would go over really well.  If I said, “I can cook really well and I can’t wait to wash your underwear” I’d have more dates than I knew what to do with.  NOOOO thank you.

Maybe I should say, “I can whip your ass on the golf course.”  Hmm…maybe I will be alone for the rest of my life. Oh well, more wine for me and HIS loss.  Are you following me here, ladies?  Pick yourself up and remember who you are.  You are strong, you are funny, you are smart, you are fiscally responsible, you are a good person. That’s why the jackass TARGETED YOU.  Get yourself back, FIND YOURSELF again.

Listen, girls, these assholes who threw us away were not worthy of us to BEGIN with and they KNOW it.  Don’t let them take away your self worth; don’t let the jerks keep you from enjoying your life!  They are parasites, they have no integrity, they are liars and cheaters and swindlers. Is that someone you want to sacrifice your happiness for?  NO.  Let me help you with that.  NO!

We will survive this.  We will have ups and downs, but when all is said and done, we are honest, good, quality people.  Let’s try to remember that.