Your Feedback

Hi everyone.

Just want to thank you for your feedback about what I write, and about the site.  I don’t have a lot of widgets and flashy content, but there’s a reason for that.  When you go through what I experienced, and what thousands of women experience (and a few men too) it changes your outlook.  For how long?  Not sure yet.  But I can say this:  It forces you inside your head and heart, into contemplation mode.  Nobody cares about a zippy web site when you are in survival mode.  It’s about good, solid, honest information you can use.  Something to help you live, and WANT to live, actually.

The internet has changed the world, in large part because we, the little people, who have something worthwhile to say, now have a venue by which to do that…all of the other trash notwithstanding.  Those of us who were around when the internet was born can say, without a doubt, that the internet was the biggest game changer of our lives…of everybody’s life.  Blow dryers are pretty important too.  Kidding.

I agree with Steve Jobs, that we are incredibly fortunate to be living in this age (I think I will always miss his edgy creativity). For him, he said he was here at just the right time, and the right place, to maximize his experience, and those of thousands of others as well, no doubt.  And I had a hand in the success of the internet too, by working in the optical fiber business, working to make glass attenuation woes a thing of the past.  That means FAST data transmission (You’re welcome).  But this web site is not about excitement.  Its about survival and about helping others.

Life becomes the antithesis of fun when you are thrown away.  There are no cool apps or fun games or pretty web sites…it becomes about survival.  And I found that the contemplative time was a good thing. I found that reading good, solid writing told from someone’s heart, HELPED me.  And help was all I needed.

So, let’s see…it’s been 6 years now, and life is getting better.  But I still say it will take ten years for my life to balance again.  Maybe then I can make the site prettier.  But I will never try to make it fun or trendy.  There is nothing fun nor trendy about having your life suddenly mean nothing.

So bear with me, keep reading, please, and most of all if you are a thrown away wife, hang on and hang in there. And if you are NOT a throw away, just think about what I say here.  I promise it will matter in some small way.  And that’s all I’m after.

Feeling Unworthy

A common theme among throwaways, is a feeling that we will be alone for the rest of our lives.  It makes us sad and a little bit scared, and we know we don’t deserve to be in this situation. We are better than that.  We simply got older.  That isn’t a crime, but you really couldn’t prove it by us. So…let’s look at this stuff for a minute.  What are we really missing here?

Women say they can’t have relationships anymore (they are wrong).  They can, but the problem is that we are wounded, deeply, and we are not going to believe every guy who hits on us. Not gonna happen.  We want proof of character…and that’s all but impossible to find.  Men in our generation feel (wrongly) entitled and they want mommies, not a partner. I think we should all step to the sidelines, cross our arms, tilt our head back a bit and just study men.  Detach, analyze, have fun with it.  I mean really, this stuff makes you laugh if you just step back and study it.

I think there are two reasons (at least) throwaways feel worthless.  One is that we feel a deep and abiding feeling of being unwanted by society. There’s no better way to make a person feel worthless than to throw them away like garbage.  This event in our lives destroys something fundamental to our self worth that takes years to rebuild. I’m not sure it can ever BE rebuilt, but I refuse to give up on myself.  Why?  Because I’m freaking awesome, that’s why.  Working against us is the second reason:  Women in their fifties and sixties are in the ‘donut hole’ of relationships’.  Bear with me here.  Analyze.

If you get the ad emails trying to get you to date online, you see hundreds of men our age looking for “love” (don’t get me started).  But men 67 years old list the age of their perfect mate at “35-45”.  God, that makes me laugh. Who exactly do they think they are?  I mean, look at some of the pictures!  Sometimes I can’t delete that stuff fast enough to avoid NIGHTMARES. But the point is that men our age are not interested in us.  They are not interested in us because they are not looking for love; they are looking to get LAID.  BIG DIFFERENCE.  And good luck with that.  What 35 year old ‘woman’ in her right mind would seek out a 65 year old man anyway?  Oh god, you really need to look at some of these men!  Oh I love the ones with hats.  The hat ones are REALLY scary.

WE on the other hand, are looking for someone mature and intelligent enough to INTEREST us.  We are looking for QUALITY, substance, ACTUAL maturity.  We don’t need someone to cook for, clean up after, to provide sexual release for (God, it never ends)  We are looking for quality.

Oh here’s one I love.  “I love to dance and go to night spots”.  AT AGE 72?  Really?  What business does a 72 year old have in a bar? I have wine at home.  And its cheaper and better.  Ladies, are you analyzing?  Do you really miss this crap?

I think about how I would write one of those profiles for a dating site and I get a headache. I want to say, “First, don’t take a picture of you and your dog.  That just proves you are needy. Second, try not to look like a serial killer!  And stop lying about your age.  Also, don’t ask for a fit and toned, feminine (likes to wear skirts) woman when you look like you just got up from a nap.  Comb your hair, stop taking selfies in your BATHROOM…better yet stop taking selfies altogether!  Oh and ponytails on an old guy do not look good.  Not to me and not to a 35 year old.  Grooming: Look it up.”

What do you think?  Think I could get a date?

NO!  I don’t think that would go over really well.  If I said, “I can cook really well and I can’t wait to wash your underwear” I’d have more dates than I knew what to do with.  NOOOO thank you.

Maybe I should say, “I can whip your ass on the golf course.”  Hmm…maybe I will be alone for the rest of my life. Oh well, more wine for me and HIS loss.  Are you following me here, ladies?  Pick yourself up and remember who you are.  You are strong, you are funny, you are smart, you are fiscally responsible, you are a good person. That’s why the jackass TARGETED YOU.  Get yourself back, FIND YOURSELF again.

Listen, girls, these assholes who threw us away were not worthy of us to BEGIN with and they KNOW it.  Don’t let them take away your self worth; don’t let the jerks keep you from enjoying your life!  They are parasites, they have no integrity, they are liars and cheaters and swindlers. Is that someone you want to sacrifice your happiness for?  NO.  Let me help you with that.  NO!

We will survive this.  We will have ups and downs, but when all is said and done, we are honest, good, quality people.  Let’s try to remember that.