Just One More Thing…

I know that my blog isn’t sexy and modern.  But I ask you to remember this about me.  My goal here is to provide women who have been thrown away, with some insight into the process of survival.  I want women to know they are not alone, that there are thousands out here just like them, feeling the same feelings, thinking the same thoughts, fighting the same battles financially and socially.  It’s about a very important social phenomenon.  It’s about how the world treats women who are no longer sexy.  It’s about how it’s A-Okay with society for us to be thrown into poverty and discriminated against more than any other group.  ANY other group.  That’s what this blog is about.

So no, you won’t see widgets and pictures or hear music playing.  That’s not important to me.  I am not trying to create an ‘experience’ for my readers.  I’m not trying to be popular or compete for the most followers. I’m sharing information.  Period.  And that’s me:  Straight to the point.

My readers, the ones who want to follow me, will be looking for answers, not pictures.  My followers will be desperate to know they can survive, not wanting to listen to music.  My followers, the ones I reach out to, think they will die, that they can never survive this.  They are not the least bit interested in widgets.

So, if you think I need that stuff, then share it with me. DO NOT solicit for money.  I don’t have it.  And if you read ANYTHING I write you know I will not tolerate predators, not for money or security, or my home or anything else.  I have been used and thrown away.  I’ve given everything I have to give and gotten thrown away for it.  If you think this blog would be better by adding something, tell me what that is and share how to do it…for NO COMPENSATION.  Then I know you get it.  Otherwise you go into spam.

And just so you know, I think the blog is fine.  Its my thoughts in writing.  My brain doesn’t need pictures.  It does fine without them.

Missing Laughter

One of my gifts is a good sense of humor.  I’m quick witted, and am told it takes intelligence to pull that off well.  I don’t claim any kudos for that.  I was born that way, so it’s natural for me…or used to be.  I jokingly say, though, that if I come back to this world again, I want a smaller IQ and a bigger breast size.  Then I will never be alone.  Intelligent, strong women have a harder time of it, I’m convinced.  So the “next” me should exist in ignorant bliss.

And don’t assume for a minute that I’m not a women’s rights champion.  I am.  But I live in a world rapidly sliding backwards into women being nothing but objects.  And I vehemently rebel against that.  I am comfortable standing toe to toe with any smart guy.  And I might beat them at golf too.  And I dare them to think of me as nothing but an orifice.  But once you lose sex appeal, you have no value.  Sorry: True.  That’s okay with me, by the way.  I’m done with trying to make men feel good about themselves.  That shouldn’t be my job.

Intelligence may have its advantages.  I’ve enjoyed being intelligent, being in the upper echelon of intelligence as they say.  I’ve had insights many people miss, and I’ve stumped a lot of ‘bright’ people.  Out of curiosity, I ask questions which to me are just clarifying questions, and I get the blank stare back.  And I often hear, “Nobody’s ever asked that before”.  Well okay.  But the flip side is that in the girlfriend world, things I want to talk about are definitely NOT the usual girl gathering topics of conversation.  I guess I’m a misfit.  My favorite topics are golf and the stock market.  Well there you go.

I awoke this morning at about 2 am, which happens a lot, due to stress, and the first thought I realized was, “I miss laughing”.  I used to laugh all the time.  ALL the time.  Sometimes that first thought, which in my case rushes through my consciousness, gives heavy insight into my condition, or things I need to work on, or what’s really at the root of issues.  So I pay attention.  I know laughter is the “best medicine”; and maybe it’s not the laughter itself, but the circumstance under which it happens, that makes it important.

Thrown Away Wives often end up very alone.  We end up alone because our husbands throw us away and our family abandons us. Well remember, I told you about that ten year statute of limitations on that abandonment, so we’ll see.  In four years maybe my “family” will come back. What remains to be seen is whether I will want them back.  What do you think?  Would you want people in your life who abandon you when you are most broken?  Seems like a no-brainer to me.  Andddd there’s the thinking again.  A lower IQ person would just rush back in.  Me?  I have to think about that.  And the answer is no.  Forgive?  Yes.  Hang out?  Nope.

I am a real estate agent, so I am around people all the time, and I attend my church regularly, so I am around thousands of people, regularly, in that venue.  But in the grand scheme of things, I am alone in the universe.  Feels like I am loosely tethered, but never engaged.  That’s a terrible feeling, and it wakes me up at 1, 2, 3 in the morning, sometimes in the midst of a panic.  Your subconscious mind works all the time and it’s undeniable that mine works HARD.  Sometimes those 2am thoughts come through as shouts, sometimes just a comment (not voices in my head, but thoughts…relax); but I’ve said before, many times, that I am determined to survive this situation into which I was thrown.  So my subconscious has its marching orders.  Work this out; solve this problem.  And it gives me things to write about, to share with you.  If I don’t know anything else, I know there are hundreds, if not thousands of you, who can relate.

It’s the venue for laughter that makes it the best medicine, because in order for it to happen, there have to be others around and you have to be engaged, plugged in.  In other words laughing at a TV show doesn’t count.  The key is the ‘gathering’ part.  When you are tossed out of your life and things familiar to you at senior part of life, it’s just harder to reinvent that wheel.  And at the time of life when you should be retiring, your need to clump with others goes down.  It’s a conundrum.  Sometimes it’s just easier to go to bed early, you see?  I’m chuckling.  Life is never dull.

So…I find myself becoming more and more isolated, in spite of the fact that I know I need to be around people with whom I can engage.  Prolonged depression or sadness, takes a lot out of you in terms of energy to reach out.  That’s not good.  So my next task is to make a plan, set a goal, to reach out and get together with people at least once a week.  Lunch with a friend, invite a friend to dinner, things like that.  And I’m already thinking that once a week might be too much.

See what I mean?

See you soon…

Letting It Go (Yeah, Right)


I read an article on the Yahoo news feed, that a woman who killed her cheating lying husband and his cheating lying mistress is of course in prison, and was denied parole because she was assessed as still having “pent up anger” (It’s been twenty years).  She has been deemed a threat to society.  STILL!! Uh, somebody should let the parole board know that the anger she experienced sticks to you forever.  It never goes away (clearly).  We just learn how to be quiet about it.  Right ladies?  So either the parole board needs to learn how to deal with women like this (aka get a clue), or just sentence life without parole and be done with it!  But again, we see the “get over it; move on” mentality of the clueless.

Listen, this woman was dismissed from her life.  She has a RIGHT to be angry and STAY angry about that because her life was stolen from her and she will NE-VER-GET-IT-BACK.  This is NOT rocket science.  Anger can be a good thing if it keeps you safe from predators who hurt you.  But righteous anger doesn’t make you a danger to society.  Has ANYBODY watched the news lately?  We need WAY more prisons if righteous anger is a jail-worthy offense.  It is not.  It is how we force CHANGE in this messed up society.  You have to be very loud and very angry to get ANYTHING done.

As I say in my blog and said in my book, this trend of men throwing away their wives…INTO POVERTY…and getting away with it IS GOING to result in more men being killed.  They are killing us by the minute.  Watch the news.  Oh, another missing wife and another cheating lying man on camera saying she ran off with another man. Please. Are these men really THAT stupid? Well yes they are.  First of all, ONE man is enough for most of us. Why would we “run away” with another one?  AND THE CHEATING LYING MURDERERS ALWAYS GET CAUGHT.  And the wife is still dead.  Somebody should be pissed off about this; SOCIETY should be pissed off.

Well, I say two things.  First, this poor thing needs to stop throwing her anger around the prison.    There comes a time to not talk about it and focus on happy things, like how to make a living at old age, and how to find a place to LIVE that’s not made of CARDBOARD.  After all, the true targets of her anger are long since dead.  If we were in the Middle East that wouldn’t be a crime…not for the cheating lying mistress anyway.  Hell, the MEN would kill her.

And second, the only ones in danger are cheating lying men who try to hurt her.   Okay, I can see how the parole board was thinking.  If you consider cheating lying men part of society, as opposed to, say, scourge of the Earth, then yeah, she’s a threat.  But I can promise you, this woman is not a threat.  In fact, she has no idea how hard it’s going to be once she does get out.  Life is no fun for women over fifty who have been thrown away.  Like I said, more likely to be struck by lightning and in fact, a lightning strike would be easier and less painful.  Trust me on that one.

Now, let’s assume this woman gets out in a few years.  Maybe she will read my blog or my book, and realize some strategy.  IF by chance she got into a relationship or had a close brush with one, let me ASSURE you, she would not choose a cheating lying LITTLE BOY; she knows what to look for now.  So society is safe.  And she can’t have a gun anymore anyway.  She’s a felon now and everybody knows felons can’t have guns ever again.

I have to admit, the twenty year part gave me pause.  I thought, God, is this never going to end? I cannot imagine me being so angry that people would view me as a threat….after twenty years. I’m formidable.  I will forevermore be formidable, but I’m not a threat.  Maybe the guy I ran off with his tail between his legs thinks I’m a threat.  But I didn’t shoot at him.  I didn’t even throw knives or rocks!  I think I’m okay on that.  We’ll see how it goes as time goes by.  I would enjoy chucking some rocks though.  I mean, it’s only been six years for me.  I’m a good aim too.  I bet I could knock a lying cheat off his feet.

EVERY once in a while I get a bit sarcastic about this phenomenon, have you noticed?  But what these cheating lying men do to us women is WORTHY of anger and we should have the right to go NINJA on their asses at least once without penalty.  And she should be able to tell the parole board that and not have it thrown back on her.  If they build a parole board of women over fifty, she’ll get out RIGHT NOW.  And think about it.  She’s been in prison twenty years?  Her only weapon is probably her cane.  Too bad about that.

The Value of a Hug

It seems everywhere you go, if people know you, you will end up in a conversation about being thrown away.  What this does for the one asking, is inform them about something they can’t possibly understand.  It’s good that they want to know, most of the time, but still, you can look at their eyes and see that they don’t have a CLUE about the devastating impact of being thrown away.  Good for them that they haven’t experienced the tragedy, and of course you know that if they HAD experienced it, they wouldn’t ask about it.  It’s too painful to re-live.  You guys know this stuff by now.

So I had a really nice visit with some friends yesterday, on the heels of putting flowers on the graves of three loved ones.  I almost added “who died” but then I thought, of course they died: otherwise why would they be in graves?  See how my mind works and how quickly I can run down a rabbit trail?  Stay with me.  It goes back on track.

Anyway it was an emotional endeavor, but it was good to honor my loved ones.  Then I visited my friends and we went to dinner, after which we talked until late into the evening.  One big topic, of course, was my armageddon.  Listen, I really love these people and I know they love me.  I know the reason they ask questions is because they care. And listen, even if they don’t ask directly, the topic bleeds in because you say things like, “When I was homeless…”  Crap like that.

“You were homeless???”  Anddddd off we go.

Afterward, as I drove home…a two and a half hour trek…I cried for the first leg of the trip.  And of course all of the emotion was once again, just at the surface.  And….it got me to thinking…

I hate it when that happens.  But I got to thinking about the people who were in the passing train cars as I suffered, how they shouted misguided wisdom or even sometimes hateful discourse, all in the guise of “help”, OR didn’t bother to look for God’s sake, as they trundled past me into the comfort of their life train…leaving me in a heap beside the tracks…so to speak.  And these are people who LOVE ME PEOPLE!  LOVE!  You can’t make this stuff up!

I’m sure they felt better having shared their misguided wisdom and of course that’s all that matters…that they feel good.   I mean they TRIED to help me, but I just wouldn’t help MYSELF.  Assholes.  No really, that’s what they believe.  GRRRRR.

See, I can’t help but be facetious when I talk about this stuff.  I mean people really piss me off.  I call them smooth-brains.  But I digress.  Again.

What does it mean when you get angry because you get sad?  I think that’s got a label somewhere.

And it suddenly stuck me…nobody hugged me, she said, finally getting to the point.  As broken as I was when I was discarded, as emotionally traumatized as I was, as alone as I felt and as embarrassed as I felt…you know all of the feelings…NOBODY HUGGED ME.  NO BO DY. And I wondered….

Am I unhuggable?  Am I not worthy of having anybody reach out in true caring love?

See, it’s been six years…five years…heck I can’t remember anymore.  Six.  It’s been six years, and  STILL these self destructive thoughts come crashing in.  NO.  I am NOT unhuggable.  And YES I AM worthy of caring love.  By society’s standards I’m more WORTHY of hugs and love than some of the assholes who treated me like garbage and reinforced the trauma.  Oh yeah, I’m in the anger phase.  But the GOOD thing is that I finally GET IT that I’m a VERY good person. And I get it that the train riders are out of my life.  Period.  My standards are higher now.  Oh look: A benefit.

Are you following this crap?  After all of this time, the PARADIGM of having been thrown away and society’s view of it still pollute my emotions.  After all of this time, a deeply seated part of me still believes somehow it’s my fault.  And that’s wrong.  It wasn’t me.  It was a person with no integrity, a liar and cheater, who was at fault.  I was targeted by him BECAUSE I am huggable and BECAUSE I am worthy worthy of love.  Precisely those reasons.  And I happened to have a lot of investment assets, which made me a HUGE target…just so you know I’m not all THAT lovable.  I mean, I’m pretty doggone good, but I’m not perfect.  Close though.  hahaha.

Bottom line is this.  After you send some anonymous cash to someone…as I suggested in the last blog entry?  HUG THEM, DAMNIT.  It doesn’t cost you a DIME to give someone a hug…and not a meaningless AIR HUG.  I mean a REAL HUG, and let them know they are NOT invisible and that they DO matter.  And if you are not trying to pick their POCKET while you hug them, then you just might be a keeper 🙂

And oh, while my anger phase is in full swing?  I still have my sense of humor.  HA.  The cheating, lying asshole couldn’t take THAT.

I’ll try to be nice next time, but I can’t promise.  The anger phase is good for me.  And NECESSARY.  That’s what all of the experts say…

I’ll be back.

About Donations

Yesterday I had yet another conversation with an older woman, living alone, abandoned by her family and struggling to make ends meet.  She told me that she never tells anyone how bad her financial situation is, because it’s embarrassing and because people don’t care anyway.  I get that.  I live it.  I have known this woman for decades, and knew her when she wasn’t poor and had family around her…when she had ‘something to give’.  A lot of something, in fact.  That’s the magic variable: Something to give.

I told you a long time ago, love is parasitic.  That sounds bitter and pathetic, doesn’t it?  hahaha.  But it’s not.  It’s the cold, harsh reality.  Love is all about what you can GET from somebody else.  That’s not Biblical, but it’s our new reality.  Sad.  I have studied this phenomenon from the inside and sometimes I chuckle.  I am amused at the unadulterated truth about life and how fooled we are.  We try to make things seem pretty and fair and safe and morally superior.  But the unadulterated truth is this:  It’s about what I can get from YOU.  No really.  Before you shake your head in disbelief, THINK about it.  Really think about your loved one and how you would react if you couldn’t get what you want from him/her.  I warn you; the truth hurts until you get used to it.  When you see that the ’emperor’ is really naked, it makes you laugh sometimes, at the games we play.

It is pathetic and socially heartbreaking that we claim to be such a great, wealthy nation and yet we treat a huge part of our citizenry as worthless.  We are NOT worthless and we are NOT invisible.  But we are also not one of the “defined” minorities who demand to be taken care of, about whom the bleeding hearts talk a lot but do little.  We can’t garner votes…nor have babies to guarantee a monthly check.  We’re not sexual anymore and we can’t hand over our paycheck.  So…society at large  wishes us to be invisible, because this way, people do not have to understand that love and care are both verbs as well as nouns.  Verbs, by the way, imply ACTION. Too complicated for you?  Well there you go.

As fate would have it, I also got a comment  on my blog yesterday about not having a ‘donate’ button on my blog site.  This reader would have donated to the cause of thrown away wives.  I never meet this person, but I know her.  I know her character and it is rare and precious.  This reader has “the care gene”, that rare and precious character trait that is fading from society and which, by the way, makes you a target for parasites who will use you and throw you away.  Anyway, the truth is, I don’t know how to manage online donations.  Her idea is a good one, and I have contemplated starting a non-profit organization just to help older abandoned women…the ones society deems worthless.  Maybe one day I can figure that out.

But here’s the thing.  And this is something I and the thrown away woman spoke about yesterday.  It should be NO surprise to people that older women are alone, often abandoned and struggling financially, if people only paid attention.  We are not “of childbearing years”.  That’s society’s veiled way of saying we are not sexually attractive anymore and therefore we are useless.  I know.  For God’s sake that’s harsh.  Well, if you have a brain that works, do your own research and face reality if you dare.  But that, folks, is THE one big reason we are invisible. If you are of child bearing years, you won’t believe it, and if you are past child bearing years, you are now invisible.  Welcome.

We are EVERYWHERE, the  unseen thrown away.  Most people do not care, But once in a while a person passes us who DOES see us, who does get it.  And here’s something you guys can do…all three of you.  Go to the bank and take out three one hundred dollar bills. Or two.  Or one.  Buy a card and put the money in it.  Mail that card with money to one of the thrown away women YOU KNOW.  Because I know you know many of us.  I PROMISE you she needs it and I promise you the result of that action will be disproportionately huge from YOUR perspective.  To you, three one hundred dollars bills is nothing; to her, it means she can buy groceries this month.  And to her, it means for a brief moment somebody ACTUALLY SAW her.  That might even be more important than grocery money.  Here’s an idea:  Do it anonymously.  That’s how its supposed to be.

Want to hear something you won’t believe?  We throw-aways ROUTINELY give to one another; we sacrifice, say, eating meat for a week, in order to give that value to a throw away who might not have grocery money at ALL.  We sacrifice even when it hurts.  And, do you remember me saying that it is precisely because of that element of our character that we were targeted by the users who bled us dry and thew us away?  We are compassionate and generous.  Isn’t that interesting? she said, being facetious.

Listen, I can’t afford to give anybody anything, yet I do.  And yet there are those less fortunate than I.  I live in a home.  I have a friend who, until just last week, lived in a bedroom.  I’ve done that.  It’s amazing that a bedroom is enough, but when you are worthless and invisible, it is.  In fact it is a gracious PLENTY.  This woman just moved into her own apartment, with no furniture.  She was as thrilled as if she had bought a palace.  All I had to do was mention in my church group that she would appreciate used furniture donations and before you know it, she had living room and dining room furniture.  Just like that.  Imagine.  Others’ old furniture became her “home”.  That’s how it works.  Oh.  And she has a son.  Who could have bought her furniture.  Just thought I’d throw that in.

Before I get off of my soapbox, let me add this.  We WORK.  We don’t lounge around waiting for a check to show up.  We don’t do drugs, we don’t stand on the corner begging.  We have JOBS.  And I said jobs, plural.  Like I said in my book, I worked THREE jobs at once in order to survive.  Many throw-aways work multiple jobs.  MOST work multiple jobs.  So we’re not sitting around on the pity pot.  But we are still human beings who deserve to at least be seen.  And I will add this again.  Love is a verb.  You don’t have to be an anonymous donor to make a difference.  You know people who need help.  Help them.  And let me add, finally.  God bless the ones who DO see us, and who do reach out.  We could NOT have made it without them.

I just had an idea.  Adopt a throw away.  Our families don’t want us.  But I, for example, am a grandmother. I have grandkids I never get to see because I’m invisible, you see.  But  I’d like to actually practice being a grandparent.  Any spare families out there?  Something to think about…for another blog.

Homework:  Find a throw away.  Donate.

When Does it End?

Well, never as far as I can tell.  IF your ex stripped you financially, then finding gainful employment will NEVER be easy again.  So get used to being poor.  Get used to being humbled by a society that doesn’t value you anymore.  I mentioned that to a friend of mine, about women over 50 being invisible, and she pooh-poohed the whole idea. So I challenged her.  I told her the next time she went to the mall, to notice how many people even LOOKED at her.  She called and said, “Oh my God!  You are right! People didn’t even LOOK at me!”

Yeah.  I know.

So, using that whole idea as a springboard, think about how you will find a handyman, someone to repair your washing machine, someone to take care of your car maintenance…without gouging you…let alone show up!

It’s going to be important to find trustworthy service providers.  Chances are, if you remember from reading my book, you can’t rely on your family either.  They don’t want your problems and they don’t really care.  Sorry.  True.  Eventually you will find people on whom you can call…and PAY…and you need that contact list.  Listen, I could recommend people but you guys are ALL OVER the United States and beyond.  It wouldn’t mean anything for you to look at my list.

You’ll get frustrated and angry every time you can’t move a piece of furniture, let’s say, and you have to beg someone and pay them, to help you.

In my book I tell you that every single relationship in my life was damaged or outright broken when I was thrown away.  That hasn’t changed.  It’s been six years.  I’m still garbage in the minds of people who claimed to ‘LOVE’ me.  Some of them will text me that they love me, but I NEVER SEE THEIR FACES.  I’m in the anger phase now and I’m PISSED.

Yeah, it’s terrible.  And…our society condones it.  Older white women are THE most discriminated against of ANYBODY I know of.  Why?  We don’t have the giant organizations with acronyms to bring out the big dogs for us.  We are alone.

Did you know there are laws agains age discrimination in the workplace and in hiring?  Yep.  Federal laws.  Still happens.  All day.  Every day.

Women, Start Realizing Your Value!

I watched a TV program today, where an abusive husband and his abused wife were interviewed, and again, I was astonished.   See, I was too young to understand the whole women’s lib thing when Gloria Steinem was beginning her women’s movement.  I remember seeing her on TV and thinking how brave she was.  I remember thinking what big trouble she was getting into, too!  Those were the times.  But right now, I miss her in that venue.  I’m all grown up and I completely understand the great things she did for women, and how much of that ground has been lost in recent years.  You’ve heard me say that before.

The man interviewed on this TV show described, devoid of emotion, how he beat his wife, timed how long he choked her so she wouldn’t die but would be subdued while his anger subsided, how, yep, he broke her nose.  He admitted he beat her while holding their baby girl in his “other hand”.  He admitted that, after beating her until she bled, he made her get in the bathtub because she was bleeding on the floor and that made him madder.  And she did it!  Got into the tub, fully clothed, and washed the blood off of herself….while he watched her cry.  And the wife? What was she doing while this story…her story…unfolded?  She smiled.  At first I thought it was an act.  Eventually she said she smiled out of embarrassment.   And she didn’t cry until she was reminded that her baby girl could be killed by this idiot when he went nuts over something being spilled.  That made her cry.  Thank God.  She at least had compassion for her child, if not for herself.

Another twist?  The male psychologist (not psychiatrist) told the wife she needed to own her role in this abuse.  Essentially, she brought it on herself.  Oh.  My.  God.  Well that got shot down pretty quickly, thank God.

When asked why she stayed with this excuse for a man, she finally admitted that she had no money and nowhere to go.  Well there you go.  Gloria Steinem once said that a woman with small children is one man away from welfare.  She also said a women without a man is like fish without a bicycle.

But the REAL truth about this abused woman is that she has no respect for herself, doesn’t love herself, and that’s sad. It’s also very common.  No way of knowing why she feels that way about herself, but clearly she did not realize her value as a human being.  Problem?  She’s raising a DAUGHTER in this mess.

I’m no psychiatrist, but this ‘man’ looked like a serial killer (of women) in the making.  And he looked like a stone cold sociopath. It was chilling.   And he looked like he was saying what the interviewer want to hear.  Example:  I’m disgusted with myself.  Yeah right.  He does not deserve this, or any other, woman.  And he needs to be locked up, away from society.  He’s a disaster in the making.

Women!  When are we going to realize that we have to love ourselves enough to have a standard!?  We have to EXPECT behaviors from men that meet those standards, and if the men fall short, we have to like ourselves enough to say bye-bye!  Some behaviors might be what men want and not be what works for US and that’s fine.  But for God’s sake, walk away. DON’T BE DESPERATE.  If a man is an abuser, he has it in him to do that.  Do you need to know more?  If he has it in him to beat up a women he is NOT A MAN. Leave!

Bottom line:  It’s not just women over fifty who are abused and treated like garbage.  It’s younger women too.  Where is this coming from?  It’s coming from a society that has begun to view women as commodities again.  It is coming from a society that has realized it’s okay to abuse us, murder us, discriminate against us, throw us away.  Worse?  Women are buying into it.

The only solution to this situation is for women to start realizing we have value in life, as more than just an orifice or an incubator.  We have hearts, souls, minds, lives which are important.  And another thing?  Get it through your head that sex and love are NOT the same thing!

I might as well stop talking.  It’s useless.  Here’s a good one.  Pack heat.  When the asshole starts choking you, defend yourself.  Better yet, GET.  OUT.  Because if you do not, good chance he’s going to kill you.  Happens EVERY DAY.

Gotta go.


Your Feedback

Hi everyone.

Just want to thank you for your feedback about what I write, and about the site.  I don’t have a lot of widgets and flashy content, but there’s a reason for that.  When you go through what I experienced, and what thousands of women experience (and a few men too) it changes your outlook.  For how long?  Not sure yet.  But I can say this:  It forces you inside your head and heart, into contemplation mode.  Nobody cares about a zippy web site when you are in survival mode.  It’s about good, solid, honest information you can use.  Something to help you live, and WANT to live, actually.

The internet has changed the world, in large part because we, the little people, who have something worthwhile to say, now have a venue by which to do that…all of the other trash notwithstanding.  Those of us who were around when the internet was born can say, without a doubt, that the internet was the biggest game changer of our lives…of everybody’s life.  Blow dryers are pretty important too.  Kidding.

I agree with Steve Jobs, that we are incredibly fortunate to be living in this age (I think I will always miss his edgy creativity). For him, he said he was here at just the right time, and the right place, to maximize his experience, and those of thousands of others as well, no doubt.  And I had a hand in the success of the internet too, by working in the optical fiber business, working to make glass attenuation woes a thing of the past.  That means FAST data transmission (You’re welcome).  But this web site is not about excitement.  Its about survival and about helping others.

Life becomes the antithesis of fun when you are thrown away.  There are no cool apps or fun games or pretty web sites…it becomes about survival.  And I found that the contemplative time was a good thing. I found that reading good, solid writing told from someone’s heart, HELPED me.  And help was all I needed.

So, let’s see…it’s been 6 years now, and life is getting better.  But I still say it will take ten years for my life to balance again.  Maybe then I can make the site prettier.  But I will never try to make it fun or trendy.  There is nothing fun nor trendy about having your life suddenly mean nothing.

So bear with me, keep reading, please, and most of all if you are a thrown away wife, hang on and hang in there. And if you are NOT a throw away, just think about what I say here.  I promise it will matter in some small way.  And that’s all I’m after.

Feeling Unworthy

A common theme among throwaways, is a feeling that we will be alone for the rest of our lives.  It makes us sad and a little bit scared, and we know we don’t deserve to be in this situation. We are better than that.  We simply got older.  That isn’t a crime, but you really couldn’t prove it by us. So…let’s look at this stuff for a minute.  What are we really missing here?

Women say they can’t have relationships anymore (they are wrong).  They can, but the problem is that we are wounded, deeply, and we are not going to believe every guy who hits on us. Not gonna happen.  We want proof of character…and that’s all but impossible to find.  Men in our generation feel (wrongly) entitled and they want mommies, not a partner. I think we should all step to the sidelines, cross our arms, tilt our head back a bit and just study men.  Detach, analyze, have fun with it.  I mean really, this stuff makes you laugh if you just step back and study it.

I think there are two reasons (at least) throwaways feel worthless.  One is that we feel a deep and abiding feeling of being unwanted by society. There’s no better way to make a person feel worthless than to throw them away like garbage.  This event in our lives destroys something fundamental to our self worth that takes years to rebuild. I’m not sure it can ever BE rebuilt, but I refuse to give up on myself.  Why?  Because I’m freaking awesome, that’s why.  Working against us is the second reason:  Women in their fifties and sixties are in the ‘donut hole’ of relationships’.  Bear with me here.  Analyze.

If you get the ad emails trying to get you to date online, you see hundreds of men our age looking for “love” (don’t get me started).  But men 67 years old list the age of their perfect mate at “35-45”.  God, that makes me laugh. Who exactly do they think they are?  I mean, look at some of the pictures!  Sometimes I can’t delete that stuff fast enough to avoid NIGHTMARES. But the point is that men our age are not interested in us.  They are not interested in us because they are not looking for love; they are looking to get LAID.  BIG DIFFERENCE.  And good luck with that.  What 35 year old ‘woman’ in her right mind would seek out a 65 year old man anyway?  Oh god, you really need to look at some of these men!  Oh I love the ones with hats.  The hat ones are REALLY scary.

WE on the other hand, are looking for someone mature and intelligent enough to INTEREST us.  We are looking for QUALITY, substance, ACTUAL maturity.  We don’t need someone to cook for, clean up after, to provide sexual release for (God, it never ends)  We are looking for quality.

Oh here’s one I love.  “I love to dance and go to night spots”.  AT AGE 72?  Really?  What business does a 72 year old have in a bar? I have wine at home.  And its cheaper and better.  Ladies, are you analyzing?  Do you really miss this crap?

I think about how I would write one of those profiles for a dating site and I get a headache. I want to say, “First, don’t take a picture of you and your dog.  That just proves you are needy. Second, try not to look like a serial killer!  And stop lying about your age.  Also, don’t ask for a fit and toned, feminine (likes to wear skirts) woman when you look like you just got up from a nap.  Comb your hair, stop taking selfies in your BATHROOM…better yet stop taking selfies altogether!  Oh and ponytails on an old guy do not look good.  Not to me and not to a 35 year old.  Grooming: Look it up.”

What do you think?  Think I could get a date?

NO!  I don’t think that would go over really well.  If I said, “I can cook really well and I can’t wait to wash your underwear” I’d have more dates than I knew what to do with.  NOOOO thank you.

Maybe I should say, “I can whip your ass on the golf course.”  Hmm…maybe I will be alone for the rest of my life. Oh well, more wine for me and HIS loss.  Are you following me here, ladies?  Pick yourself up and remember who you are.  You are strong, you are funny, you are smart, you are fiscally responsible, you are a good person. That’s why the jackass TARGETED YOU.  Get yourself back, FIND YOURSELF again.

Listen, girls, these assholes who threw us away were not worthy of us to BEGIN with and they KNOW it.  Don’t let them take away your self worth; don’t let the jerks keep you from enjoying your life!  They are parasites, they have no integrity, they are liars and cheaters and swindlers. Is that someone you want to sacrifice your happiness for?  NO.  Let me help you with that.  NO!

We will survive this.  We will have ups and downs, but when all is said and done, we are honest, good, quality people.  Let’s try to remember that.